I've come to realize that no one can be trusted and I shouldn't trust much of anyone unless it's someone that's a big part of my life and I've known them long enough to do so. Everyone else can go on my "Do Not Trust" list. No, I don't actually have one, but it's a mental thing.
It seems that as of lately, people just randomly will delete me on FB. No biggie since I'm not into FB like I used to be and barely even check it anymore. Not to mention, those that have deleted me are the people I barely speak with ever on there or in person. Then there are others that will be your friend to your face then snitch on you and make you look bad at work. There are also those people that you thought were your friends, but they instead just find nothing but negatives in you or something you do. I'm done completely with people. If this brings me down to having almost no friends except for my long-term buddies, then so be it. I'm done with the childish behavior and drama. I'm 29, which is way past being a child.
Today I dealt with 2 different things that have pushed me into this whole thought process. The first one being that one of the people I considered a really good friend confronted me via e-mail after I invited her out to lunch that she's mad at me because she thinks I avoided plans with her and some other people and lied about it all. The plans she's referring to involved my boyfriend, myself, her, her husband, and one other co-worker of ours and her boyfriend. Due to a transportation situation that weekend, we cancelled plans which was a blessing to my boyfriend since my one co-worker gets on his nerves. I'm not going to lie, she is loud, obnoxious, annoying, and can easily get under people's skin. I'm not denying that part, but she was there when the plans were made and you can't make plans around people and then not invite them. That's a total dick move. Anways, now I'm trailing off the topic. So, when I cancelled the plans I only explained the transportation situation and she said she understood. Now today, about 2 months later, she confronts me telling me she's been pissed at me this whole time because she thinks Sal and I avoided hanging out with and her husband and made up an excuse to get out of it. Wow! It took her 2 months to confront me that she thought I was lying?!?! I explained EVERYTHING and she seems like she understood, but I'm done trying to work things out. Obviously staying mad at me this long over something that was an assumption doesn't show a good friendship there and makes me feel like I'm not worth it to her. Well, I'm not going to bend over backwards anymore. I'm done!
Then after that whole situation, I had one of the managers at work that likes me tell me that a bunch of the people around me and my fellow secretaries are complaining about us behind our backs to their managers and ours that we complain too much at work and talk too much and keep them from doing their work. When she named some of the people to me, these are the same people who crack jokes with us and act cool with us. Don't act like our friend or like you like us if you're going to snitch on us behind our backs and try to get us in trouble. Being backstabbed or dealing with two-faced people is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. I'm so done! I'm going to just sit in silence for the rest of the time I'm working in this shitty shit hole and I'm going to push my continuous job hunting into overdrive. If I can't talk casually with the people around me or vent once in awhile about things both inside and outside of work, then fuck it. I never remember reading the employee manual and it say that speaking wasn't allowed. Maybe they should reprint those manuals and add that in big bold print so that we're all aware of it and know that talking at work is punishable by death. /eyeroll
So, long story short, I'm done trusting people and I'm done bending over backwards for people. I'm going to just live my life in way where I don't have people to trust and I will just keep everything inside (the good and the bad). I'm done feeling like I need to work on changing aspects of myself that don't need changing. I have a lot of changes I need to make to myself, but there are also things that I always considered good traits to have and the good traits I'm not changing to cater to the assholes around me. I'm done!
/endrant
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