Many months ago I was considering looking into a backup plan for my future career. I currently hold a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice, but that field is slowly looking less and less realistic for me. For starters, MOST of the jobs in that field you need previous experience...I have none. This means I have to start from the bottom and work my way up. This would be fine, except from all the job hunting I've been doing, it seems I have 2 ways to start at the bottom and both seem pretty unrealistic.
The first one is doing something like security work, but that would involve me taking a HUGE pay cut because security pays dick at a majority of places. I just can't afford a pay cut right now. I have a lot of bills to pay, I'm saving to move out with the love of my life, and I'm finally slowly getting my past credit card debt to disappear. Taking a pay cut just isn't going to happen, at least not a significant one. The other option is police work and starting as a basic patrol officer. I'm all for this, except that I'm out of shape and physical test is mandatory in order to move onto the next part of the application process. I was getting myself in shape, but even when running became easier for me, the upper body strength portion just didn't seem to be working for me. If I did continue to try to work on my upper body strength (which MOST women have very little of) it's going to take A LOT of work (as if all of my fat glory won't take a lot of work to fix). The cut off age for new police officers is 35. I'm going to be 30 in 5 months. Each process to get into law enforcement can take years. The last test I took for a law enforcement agency congradulated me on passing the written test and that the next step was the physical, which I will hear back from them to take this within 4 years at the most. WHAT?!?!? 4 YEARS!?!? Not realistic when my age is going to be so close to that cut off point. So, with that reality kicking in, I realized I need a backup plan with my life. That's when it hit me....I can get into nursing!
I feel this would be a great choice for me. Not just because I feel I can handle it, but because it's a job in high demand with a lot of job security. I have the stomach for the stuff they have to do and I honestly feel that I can enjoy it. Then I was thinking about it and schooling would be totally realistic for me. The community colleges around here offer the program, so I don't have to go to an overpriced University. I can apply for grants at the beginning of the new year, which will help pay for school. There are also lots of scholarships that are offered at the community college I'm looking into that I would qualify for, so if I could get any of those my schooling would be even cheaper for me. Then last, but not least, my job offers educational assistance if your going to school in a field of study that benefits them. Since I work in the healthcare field, nursing would be covered in the educational assistance program. So, overall, my schooling would be significantly cheaper for me and I can still work towards a degree that I know would be a great step in the right direction for my future career.
One thing I do find humorous about me getting into nursing is that I'm a tough cookie. I'm caring and sensitive, don't get me wrong, but I'm also very straight forward and can be quite sarcastic. I've been told that if I go in this direction, I may be the House of the RN world. LOL! I could ever be as cold as House, but I can see that little bit of a streak in me when it comes to the sarcasm.
I totally see this being a great step for me. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what kind of hours are available for the classes. Almost all the hours I see posted may bump heads with my new job position, but I think if I get my Gen. Eds. out of the way first (which you have to do to start the RN program) and just take the classes here and there as available I can still work my normal hours and work in the beginning portion of schooling. I mean, since I have a Bachelor's degree already, I'm sure most of my Gen. Eds. will be already out of the way with from my transferrable credits, except there are a decent amount of Biology classes to take and those I don't have previous credits to cover. So, I'm thinking that this Spring, I will either start those Biology classes or work to get the CNA certificate if this college requires it (it's not posted as a requirement, but most colleges do require it). My goal is to start my next step with schooling this Spring. Let's hope this all works out.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
It's been awhile since I've updated and I must say I've been busy. It seems like all my time lately, both at work and outside of work, has been hectic. Some good busy situations, some bad, some that I don't know how to catagorize. So, here's a rundown of my life since the last time my fingers touched my keyboard for a blog post.
I got a promotion at work. Yay! I won't have to deal with that witch of a boss anymore and I'll finally be happier at work. I know, that's hard to believe since my job has made me so miserable for such a long time, but I'm going to have a boss that I really like, I'm going to be getting paid much better, I'll have a job that will keep me more busy, and I'll have more vacation days. So, all around a positive change that I'm looking forward to starting. I haven't officially started the new job yet, but very soon. Until then, I'm juggling trying to tie up loose ends in my current job and keep in touch with my new manager on when all the changes will start to go into effect. I can't wait! The only down side is that I will be working every other weekend and I've gotten spoiled to having my weekends completely open, but I think it will all be worth it.
My boyfriend and I have been continuing to house hunt. Granted, it's sort of on hold right now, but only because there was one tiny thing that needed to be worked on with the bank in order to get the loan. That has now been taken care of and in about 2 months we can go back to looking for a house again. 2 months might seem kind of long, but it will all be worth it. Until this weekend when those loose ends were being worked on, it seems like all our free time has been dealing with banks and looking for houses in our price range, talking to people for additional information, and just all sorts of stuff like that. Finally some breathing room for a couple months.
Then there is my health. I believe I previously posted about the abdominal pain that I had, well this weekend I finally had my appointment for my abdominal ultrasound and it seems that I have gallstones. Yikes! The only thing to fix that is to have my gallbladder removed. So, I have to wait to hear from the surgeon that my doctor will be sending a referral to and I will be scheduling yet another surgery (I've had 2 surgeries in the past for non-related things). It's a good thing you don't need a gallbladder, otherwise I would be royally freaking out. The good news is that since I'm young, getting this done now will keep me from getting anything severe from this problem when I'm older. Most gallstone issues are more severe when your more up there in age, so getting this taken care of now will avoid any problems later in life. The one thing that sucks is that I'm being told no greasy or fried food and I should avoid chocolate and spicy stuff. OMG! Me avoid spicy!?!?!??! How the hell am I supposed to do that?!?!? I guess it's only until I have this removed, but still. For anyone that knows me, spicy is my obsession. I will put hot sauce on almost anything, except things meant to be sweet. Ewww! If I look at the bright side though, this will force me to get back on the healthy eating track, because lord knows I haven't been as good with that as I should be lately.
So, overall, mostly good news to update, but then some bad/ugly news. Overall though, life has been busy and I must say that with the exception of having to schedule a surgery, it's been hectic for good reasons. Now to try to get back on track with a normal life again. Lord knows I need the breathing room.
I got a promotion at work. Yay! I won't have to deal with that witch of a boss anymore and I'll finally be happier at work. I know, that's hard to believe since my job has made me so miserable for such a long time, but I'm going to have a boss that I really like, I'm going to be getting paid much better, I'll have a job that will keep me more busy, and I'll have more vacation days. So, all around a positive change that I'm looking forward to starting. I haven't officially started the new job yet, but very soon. Until then, I'm juggling trying to tie up loose ends in my current job and keep in touch with my new manager on when all the changes will start to go into effect. I can't wait! The only down side is that I will be working every other weekend and I've gotten spoiled to having my weekends completely open, but I think it will all be worth it.
My boyfriend and I have been continuing to house hunt. Granted, it's sort of on hold right now, but only because there was one tiny thing that needed to be worked on with the bank in order to get the loan. That has now been taken care of and in about 2 months we can go back to looking for a house again. 2 months might seem kind of long, but it will all be worth it. Until this weekend when those loose ends were being worked on, it seems like all our free time has been dealing with banks and looking for houses in our price range, talking to people for additional information, and just all sorts of stuff like that. Finally some breathing room for a couple months.
Then there is my health. I believe I previously posted about the abdominal pain that I had, well this weekend I finally had my appointment for my abdominal ultrasound and it seems that I have gallstones. Yikes! The only thing to fix that is to have my gallbladder removed. So, I have to wait to hear from the surgeon that my doctor will be sending a referral to and I will be scheduling yet another surgery (I've had 2 surgeries in the past for non-related things). It's a good thing you don't need a gallbladder, otherwise I would be royally freaking out. The good news is that since I'm young, getting this done now will keep me from getting anything severe from this problem when I'm older. Most gallstone issues are more severe when your more up there in age, so getting this taken care of now will avoid any problems later in life. The one thing that sucks is that I'm being told no greasy or fried food and I should avoid chocolate and spicy stuff. OMG! Me avoid spicy!?!?!??! How the hell am I supposed to do that?!?!? I guess it's only until I have this removed, but still. For anyone that knows me, spicy is my obsession. I will put hot sauce on almost anything, except things meant to be sweet. Ewww! If I look at the bright side though, this will force me to get back on the healthy eating track, because lord knows I haven't been as good with that as I should be lately.
So, overall, mostly good news to update, but then some bad/ugly news. Overall though, life has been busy and I must say that with the exception of having to schedule a surgery, it's been hectic for good reasons. Now to try to get back on track with a normal life again. Lord knows I need the breathing room.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Bring on the positive vibes!
As many people either know, or have noticed, I have often been quite negative. I don't like to be by any means, but it seems like that's the direction my overall views have been going for too long for me to even keep track of anymore. As of lately though, I've found that I've been the opposite...most of the time. I've been trying to be more optimistic and less of a negative nelly.
I've noticed on Facebook, in my blog posts, and just my overall conversations with people, I've been either neutral or positive and this is a jump in the right direction. For people who have known me for more years than they can remember, I used to me this obnoxious happy-go-lucky positive-vibe type of person. Then life happens (I'm talking about the bad and negative aspects of life) and over time it's like my mentality just did a complete 180 and was the total opposite of what it used to be. I've been working on getting back to the old me mentally and I'm on the right track.
Today is a perfect example, which is what got me thinking about this to begin with. I feel like hell (sick if you've read my previous post) and I had to come into work because my job frowns upon calling off more than any job I've ever had. Instead of being pissy all day and being a jerk to people, which is how I found myself typically reacting in this sort of situation previously, I instead smiled stayed in a good mood, didn't let the small stuff set me off, and I even was nice to people who normally make steam come from my ears. I stayed in a good mood all day regardless of how shitty I felt.
I just couldn't help notice the changes I'm slowly making to my overall mental state of mind and I'm glad to see I'm becoming my old self again. VERY slowly, but still some progress nevertheless. It's change in the right direction and I'm pretty proud of it.
I've noticed on Facebook, in my blog posts, and just my overall conversations with people, I've been either neutral or positive and this is a jump in the right direction. For people who have known me for more years than they can remember, I used to me this obnoxious happy-go-lucky positive-vibe type of person. Then life happens (I'm talking about the bad and negative aspects of life) and over time it's like my mentality just did a complete 180 and was the total opposite of what it used to be. I've been working on getting back to the old me mentally and I'm on the right track.
Today is a perfect example, which is what got me thinking about this to begin with. I feel like hell (sick if you've read my previous post) and I had to come into work because my job frowns upon calling off more than any job I've ever had. Instead of being pissy all day and being a jerk to people, which is how I found myself typically reacting in this sort of situation previously, I instead smiled stayed in a good mood, didn't let the small stuff set me off, and I even was nice to people who normally make steam come from my ears. I stayed in a good mood all day regardless of how shitty I felt.
I just couldn't help notice the changes I'm slowly making to my overall mental state of mind and I'm glad to see I'm becoming my old self again. VERY slowly, but still some progress nevertheless. It's change in the right direction and I'm pretty proud of it.
The Effects of Stress
We don't realize how much stress effects us, but your body can really take a toll with stress. I've been under A LOT of stress lately. Between work, my boyfriend's sister moving back to the city and into his parent's place (looooong story behind this, but trust me this is a VERY negative effect on my boyfriend and I), and my boyfriend and I trying to buy a house, I'm seriously at the stressful peak.
You always hear that being stressed can make you sick, and with the exception of serious conditions like heart attack and stroke and hypertension, I didn't think anything of it. The fact of the matter is that our bodies are effected by stress more than we think. In the past few weeks since I've had many more things get added onto my list of things stressing me out and coincidently my body has felt the effects of it. I've had a bad cold 3 times (yes, 3 seperate times in about 3 weeks) and then last week on Tuesday I was suffering a great deal with abdominal pain and discomfort to the point where my mom almost took me to the ER. Since ER bills are no joke, I vouched to be stubborn and deal with it that night and just made a doctor's appointment for the next day. When I explained all my health problems to my doctor, the first thing she asked me "Are you under a lot of stress?". Wow! Yes...yes I am. She immediately told me that I need to find ways to relax and find methods of stress relieving that work for me because my body is really paying the price. The colds (all 3), those are just because my body has so much going on that it's struggling to fight off something as simple as the common cold. As for the abdominal pain, well my doctor is thinking it's either an ulcer or something with my gallbladder. I have an abdominal ultrasound scheduled for later this month to find out more.
I really need to find a good stress reliever. I thought having my down time after work and just reading a book or playing video games was enough, but it's obviously not at all. What I need to do is get myself back into working out. It's going to take a hell of a push, but that used to always be an awesome stress reliever for me, whether it was doing a workout video or going for a run. Just getting my body going always relaxed me. I'm just struggling so much to find that push I need to get me back into a routine. Not to mention it's hard when I feel like people working out is being rubbed in my face a lot lately. I feel like if I'm not doing it, I'm not up to par with them and it's making me feel small. I don't like feeling like that, but I can't help it. I get brought down and then I mentally push the thought of working out on the back burner. I can't do that anymore because now it's not just for weightloss like it originally was in the past, now it's also to get me healthy again and get my stress reduced. I unfortunately might have to wait until next week to get started though, because as long as this cold is still kicking my ass (I'm currently fighting that 3rd cold I mentioned above), I don't have the energy for much of anything. Not to mention, I don't seem to fight off colds well unless I do a lot of relaxing and sleeping. So, until this cold is gone, I have to take it easy. Once it's gone though, I have to push myself back into a workout routine, whether I like it or not.
You always hear that being stressed can make you sick, and with the exception of serious conditions like heart attack and stroke and hypertension, I didn't think anything of it. The fact of the matter is that our bodies are effected by stress more than we think. In the past few weeks since I've had many more things get added onto my list of things stressing me out and coincidently my body has felt the effects of it. I've had a bad cold 3 times (yes, 3 seperate times in about 3 weeks) and then last week on Tuesday I was suffering a great deal with abdominal pain and discomfort to the point where my mom almost took me to the ER. Since ER bills are no joke, I vouched to be stubborn and deal with it that night and just made a doctor's appointment for the next day. When I explained all my health problems to my doctor, the first thing she asked me "Are you under a lot of stress?". Wow! Yes...yes I am. She immediately told me that I need to find ways to relax and find methods of stress relieving that work for me because my body is really paying the price. The colds (all 3), those are just because my body has so much going on that it's struggling to fight off something as simple as the common cold. As for the abdominal pain, well my doctor is thinking it's either an ulcer or something with my gallbladder. I have an abdominal ultrasound scheduled for later this month to find out more.
I really need to find a good stress reliever. I thought having my down time after work and just reading a book or playing video games was enough, but it's obviously not at all. What I need to do is get myself back into working out. It's going to take a hell of a push, but that used to always be an awesome stress reliever for me, whether it was doing a workout video or going for a run. Just getting my body going always relaxed me. I'm just struggling so much to find that push I need to get me back into a routine. Not to mention it's hard when I feel like people working out is being rubbed in my face a lot lately. I feel like if I'm not doing it, I'm not up to par with them and it's making me feel small. I don't like feeling like that, but I can't help it. I get brought down and then I mentally push the thought of working out on the back burner. I can't do that anymore because now it's not just for weightloss like it originally was in the past, now it's also to get me healthy again and get my stress reduced. I unfortunately might have to wait until next week to get started though, because as long as this cold is still kicking my ass (I'm currently fighting that 3rd cold I mentioned above), I don't have the energy for much of anything. Not to mention, I don't seem to fight off colds well unless I do a lot of relaxing and sleeping. So, until this cold is gone, I have to take it easy. Once it's gone though, I have to push myself back into a workout routine, whether I like it or not.
Friday, September 30, 2011
The Bug That's Going Around
It seems like lately everyone is getting sick. The usual cold, sore throat, cough, achy body, etc. I'm pretty sure this drastic change in Chicago weather has a lot to do with it. It seems to go from warm to cold to rainy and then that rotations restarts, but not necessarily in that order.
It seems I'm the next one to be getting struck with this damned cold/throat thing. I woke up this morning and I blew my nose more times than I could tell you. I was coughing left and right and my throat had that imfamous cold-coming-on feeling. That slimy meets scratchy feeling. You know what I mean. Anyways, here I am at work counting down for the weekend to begin and instead of looking forward to the weekend, here I am dreading it because I'm pretty sure my time away from work is going to consist of cold meds and sleeping. Ugh!
Being sick sucks! What sucks even more is when your sick on a weekend. I'm not saying I enjoy being sick when I have to come into work, but at least you know that your not missing much when you feel like hell on a work day. It's like you either call in and dope yourself up on cold meds while you alternate between napping and watching crappy daytime TV or you go into work and just work very half-assed while you daydream about being in bed. You know everyone you'd rather be spending time with is more than likely also at work and couldn't hangout anyways so you're not losing much being sick on a weekday. On the weekend; however, being sick means you miss out on fun and getting things done that you want to get done. It's like those 2 days off go to waste.
I'm hoping that making a Walgreens run after work to get myself some cold meds and start taking them tonight will help me avoid the worst of this wretched cold. It doesn't always seem to work that way, but once in awhile I get lucky. Let's hope this is one of those times.
It seems I'm the next one to be getting struck with this damned cold/throat thing. I woke up this morning and I blew my nose more times than I could tell you. I was coughing left and right and my throat had that imfamous cold-coming-on feeling. That slimy meets scratchy feeling. You know what I mean. Anyways, here I am at work counting down for the weekend to begin and instead of looking forward to the weekend, here I am dreading it because I'm pretty sure my time away from work is going to consist of cold meds and sleeping. Ugh!
Being sick sucks! What sucks even more is when your sick on a weekend. I'm not saying I enjoy being sick when I have to come into work, but at least you know that your not missing much when you feel like hell on a work day. It's like you either call in and dope yourself up on cold meds while you alternate between napping and watching crappy daytime TV or you go into work and just work very half-assed while you daydream about being in bed. You know everyone you'd rather be spending time with is more than likely also at work and couldn't hangout anyways so you're not losing much being sick on a weekday. On the weekend; however, being sick means you miss out on fun and getting things done that you want to get done. It's like those 2 days off go to waste.
I'm hoping that making a Walgreens run after work to get myself some cold meds and start taking them tonight will help me avoid the worst of this wretched cold. It doesn't always seem to work that way, but once in awhile I get lucky. Let's hope this is one of those times.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Vi's Gamer Types
I've been thinking about this a lot since I got back into gaming more regularly and I've realized that I have my own catagories of the types of gamers that are out there. Granted, I've based these gamer types mostly on the kind of people I come across while playing WoW; however, when I was thinking about it, these are pretty much fitting for the type of gamers that exist in any game you can play (mostly online since you interact with other players).
I've broken the list down to the 4 types of gamers and here they are:
~ The Know-It-All Gamers (aka Elitists): These are those gamers that you come across that pretty much tell everyone what to do, what not to know, how to do everything, and pretty much try to lead the group of people regardless of whether or not the game consists of an actual group/raid leader. These are the people that will try to run the show and be the best of the best even when it's a group effort and everyone has the ability to shine. They are the ones that insist on doing things their way or not at all. I find many of these people are probably bringing this pushy playing style into the gaming world to make up for a lack of control in the real world. I also refer to these gamer types as "Elitists" because they have to have everything go 100% perfect, otherwise they have a fit, start swearing up a storm, or leave everyone else in the group high and dry because they can't deal with imperfection. Regardless of what makes these players the way they are, they are often the people that everyone else in the group hates.
~ The Dumb Shit Gamers: These are the people that regardless of how long they've been playing a particular game, they still continue to ask a thousand questions that are either self explanatoy or are learned so early on into the game that there's no reason they shouldn't know this by now. The other people that fall under this catagory are those people that ruin the fun of gaming for everyone else because they either screw the whole group over and cause deaths/wipes or they do stupid things "for fun" when it's not something that's fun for anyone other than themselves. These are the people that I find often get kicked from groups because of the lack of patience everyone else in the group has for them. If the game doesn't allow a kicking from group ability, these are the people that cause the other gamers to step out of the group in order to keep their own sanity. These are also the gamers that almost everyone else in the group hates.
~ The Just-For-Fun Gamers (aka Casual Gamers): These are those laid back gamers that often could care less whether they win or lose as long as they are having fun doing it. They are the people that try to be the median between the other gamer types. They try to make sure everyone is just enjoying themselves and not fighting or ruining the game for others. Although these guys are fun to play with because they won't yell at you when perfection isn't achieved, they can sometimes be annoying when that competitive streak kicks in and you lose because they are brutally laid back. I'm not saying games are only fun when you win, but they aren't fun when you always lose. So, it's nice to be able to have at least a hair of competitive nature. Overall though, these are fun people to play with because at least you know everything will be civil.
~ The Cry Baby Gamers: These gamer types are different from the Elitist gamers to an extent, but also have some similar qualities. Like the Elitists, they want perfection, but the difference is that instead of being assholes when they don't get what they want, the get pissy and whiny when things don't work out in their favor. So, they don't they don't want perfection for the group, they only want perfection for themselves. They bitch and moan until they get their way. If a piece of armor drops that they want and they aren't the ones that win it or their overall DPS (Damage Per Second) isn't where they want it to be, they will make a scene until they either get what they way or things work in their favor. Often they are removed from group due to everyone being sick of the childish behavior. These are often children...literally. They act like kids because far too often they are children. They bring their temper tantrums into the gaming world when things aren't the way they want it to be. I can speak from experience, but I HATE gaming with kids. Sometimes you have no control over it because you don't always get to choose your groups in many games. Some groups are just randomly thrown together via an online grouping system (such as in WoW and many online XBox Live games). How do you know they are children? Well, either people ask and they answer honestly or you can verbally hear them over Ventrilo, TeamSpeak, the XBox Live chat feature, etc. You can hear that they're balls haven't dropped yet. Gaming with kids or cry baby gamers is a nightmare! It's like the gaming version of birth control.
Personally, I find myself falling under the "Just For Fun" gamer type, but I can honestly say that I have been known to be a bit more competitive than I describe these type of gamers to be, so there may be a streak of the "Elitist" gamer in me too. Overall though, I think I'm more in the "Just For Fun" since more often than not, I'm happy with just playing for fun than achieving an overall goal with the hope for as close to perfection as possible. It's called a game because it's meant to be played for the purpose of fun. Why some people take these games so seriously is beyond me. Regardless of why these people are they way they are, I thought it would be fun for me to throw together my own little list of gamer types based on the usual gaming styles I've come across. Hope you enjoyed my list! =)
I've broken the list down to the 4 types of gamers and here they are:
~ The Know-It-All Gamers (aka Elitists): These are those gamers that you come across that pretty much tell everyone what to do, what not to know, how to do everything, and pretty much try to lead the group of people regardless of whether or not the game consists of an actual group/raid leader. These are the people that will try to run the show and be the best of the best even when it's a group effort and everyone has the ability to shine. They are the ones that insist on doing things their way or not at all. I find many of these people are probably bringing this pushy playing style into the gaming world to make up for a lack of control in the real world. I also refer to these gamer types as "Elitists" because they have to have everything go 100% perfect, otherwise they have a fit, start swearing up a storm, or leave everyone else in the group high and dry because they can't deal with imperfection. Regardless of what makes these players the way they are, they are often the people that everyone else in the group hates.
~ The Dumb Shit Gamers: These are the people that regardless of how long they've been playing a particular game, they still continue to ask a thousand questions that are either self explanatoy or are learned so early on into the game that there's no reason they shouldn't know this by now. The other people that fall under this catagory are those people that ruin the fun of gaming for everyone else because they either screw the whole group over and cause deaths/wipes or they do stupid things "for fun" when it's not something that's fun for anyone other than themselves. These are the people that I find often get kicked from groups because of the lack of patience everyone else in the group has for them. If the game doesn't allow a kicking from group ability, these are the people that cause the other gamers to step out of the group in order to keep their own sanity. These are also the gamers that almost everyone else in the group hates.
~ The Just-For-Fun Gamers (aka Casual Gamers): These are those laid back gamers that often could care less whether they win or lose as long as they are having fun doing it. They are the people that try to be the median between the other gamer types. They try to make sure everyone is just enjoying themselves and not fighting or ruining the game for others. Although these guys are fun to play with because they won't yell at you when perfection isn't achieved, they can sometimes be annoying when that competitive streak kicks in and you lose because they are brutally laid back. I'm not saying games are only fun when you win, but they aren't fun when you always lose. So, it's nice to be able to have at least a hair of competitive nature. Overall though, these are fun people to play with because at least you know everything will be civil.
~ The Cry Baby Gamers: These gamer types are different from the Elitist gamers to an extent, but also have some similar qualities. Like the Elitists, they want perfection, but the difference is that instead of being assholes when they don't get what they want, the get pissy and whiny when things don't work out in their favor. So, they don't they don't want perfection for the group, they only want perfection for themselves. They bitch and moan until they get their way. If a piece of armor drops that they want and they aren't the ones that win it or their overall DPS (Damage Per Second) isn't where they want it to be, they will make a scene until they either get what they way or things work in their favor. Often they are removed from group due to everyone being sick of the childish behavior. These are often children...literally. They act like kids because far too often they are children. They bring their temper tantrums into the gaming world when things aren't the way they want it to be. I can speak from experience, but I HATE gaming with kids. Sometimes you have no control over it because you don't always get to choose your groups in many games. Some groups are just randomly thrown together via an online grouping system (such as in WoW and many online XBox Live games). How do you know they are children? Well, either people ask and they answer honestly or you can verbally hear them over Ventrilo, TeamSpeak, the XBox Live chat feature, etc. You can hear that they're balls haven't dropped yet. Gaming with kids or cry baby gamers is a nightmare! It's like the gaming version of birth control.
Personally, I find myself falling under the "Just For Fun" gamer type, but I can honestly say that I have been known to be a bit more competitive than I describe these type of gamers to be, so there may be a streak of the "Elitist" gamer in me too. Overall though, I think I'm more in the "Just For Fun" since more often than not, I'm happy with just playing for fun than achieving an overall goal with the hope for as close to perfection as possible. It's called a game because it's meant to be played for the purpose of fun. Why some people take these games so seriously is beyond me. Regardless of why these people are they way they are, I thought it would be fun for me to throw together my own little list of gamer types based on the usual gaming styles I've come across. Hope you enjoyed my list! =)
Monday, September 19, 2011
Positive changes need to happen
It seems like for months now, I've been in this perma-down-in-the-dumps mood. Yeah, that's a mouth full. It seem like no matter what I do or what I try to do for myself, that mood doesn't seem to be changing. I know a lot of those negative feelings and that sour mood would change with a new job, but since that doesn't seem to be happening yet, I need to find things that will bring my mood up in other ways. I really want to make some changes that won't just be temporary, but things that can get me out of this funk and keep me going continually.
For starters, I need to get back into working out more than once a week. When I workout regularly, I notice that my overall mood is improved significantly. I don't plan on being a workout nazi to the point when I make that my life and force others into that lifestyle, but I know for me I need to get back into my 4-day a week routine. Those 4-days a week used to keep my mood pretty damn good for the week and it also was a stress reliever for me, which I know I very much need.
I also want to do some things that are just good for the soul, like donating blood every so often (or other type of charity based events) or just getting together with friends for a night of laughs. I've been a little distant with people lately, but it's because I'm trying to get myself to a happier place and I really needed some "ME" time. Not to mention I know what it feels like to hangout with someone when they are in a funk and it results to the whole group kind of being down, quiet, or distant. I didn't want to be the cause of that weird feeling or mood. The problem is, that even that ME time hasn't helped, so I'm considering doing the exact opposite. Maybe surrounding myself with friends and laughs every so often would help. I read an article recently about things that just naturally can bring happiness to people and being surrounded by positivity and good friends was one of the things on that list. So, I may have to do just that.
Another thing I need to do is try to push the negativity from my life. I know I can't control negative people and feelings all the time, no one can, but I can definitely distance myself from it. Work is a big place for me to be surrounded by negativity, which I obviously can't avoid. What I can do though is just breath and walk away as needed when something that's bringing on high stress levels or bitching from the people I have to deal with. I do this already on occasion, but definitely not nearly enough. Usually I sit there, bitch a fit to someone, and remain angry and frustrated over whatever the situation or person that caused it. If you read my previous post, I've dealt with a lot of backstabbing at work lately and this has brought me to the point of wanting to find a new way of handling my aggravation and stress at work. I have to find a better way to deal with it for now. Eventually I'll be free of this place, but as long as I'm stuck here, I need to find a way to handle the things that have been breaking me down lately. So, this is why I'm trying to find positive ways to deal with the negatives around here. Outside of work though, I can't say I deal with much negativity, at least on a regular enough basis to where changes need to be worked on. The main negatives outside of work have to deal with myself and that's what I've been working on and will continue to work on.
All around, I have to surround myself with as much positivity as I can to get me in a better overall mood. I'm tired of feeling depressed, down, unappreciated, stressed, etc. I need to find ways to deal with all these things and more to get me back in a mood I'm happy with. I hate being in these kind of moods and I know it affects those around me, which I hate more. I don't like affecting other around me negatively. So, changes have to start to happen for the better, not just to help myself, but to help the relationships around me.
For starters, I need to get back into working out more than once a week. When I workout regularly, I notice that my overall mood is improved significantly. I don't plan on being a workout nazi to the point when I make that my life and force others into that lifestyle, but I know for me I need to get back into my 4-day a week routine. Those 4-days a week used to keep my mood pretty damn good for the week and it also was a stress reliever for me, which I know I very much need.
I also want to do some things that are just good for the soul, like donating blood every so often (or other type of charity based events) or just getting together with friends for a night of laughs. I've been a little distant with people lately, but it's because I'm trying to get myself to a happier place and I really needed some "ME" time. Not to mention I know what it feels like to hangout with someone when they are in a funk and it results to the whole group kind of being down, quiet, or distant. I didn't want to be the cause of that weird feeling or mood. The problem is, that even that ME time hasn't helped, so I'm considering doing the exact opposite. Maybe surrounding myself with friends and laughs every so often would help. I read an article recently about things that just naturally can bring happiness to people and being surrounded by positivity and good friends was one of the things on that list. So, I may have to do just that.
Another thing I need to do is try to push the negativity from my life. I know I can't control negative people and feelings all the time, no one can, but I can definitely distance myself from it. Work is a big place for me to be surrounded by negativity, which I obviously can't avoid. What I can do though is just breath and walk away as needed when something that's bringing on high stress levels or bitching from the people I have to deal with. I do this already on occasion, but definitely not nearly enough. Usually I sit there, bitch a fit to someone, and remain angry and frustrated over whatever the situation or person that caused it. If you read my previous post, I've dealt with a lot of backstabbing at work lately and this has brought me to the point of wanting to find a new way of handling my aggravation and stress at work. I have to find a better way to deal with it for now. Eventually I'll be free of this place, but as long as I'm stuck here, I need to find a way to handle the things that have been breaking me down lately. So, this is why I'm trying to find positive ways to deal with the negatives around here. Outside of work though, I can't say I deal with much negativity, at least on a regular enough basis to where changes need to be worked on. The main negatives outside of work have to deal with myself and that's what I've been working on and will continue to work on.
All around, I have to surround myself with as much positivity as I can to get me in a better overall mood. I'm tired of feeling depressed, down, unappreciated, stressed, etc. I need to find ways to deal with all these things and more to get me back in a mood I'm happy with. I hate being in these kind of moods and I know it affects those around me, which I hate more. I don't like affecting other around me negatively. So, changes have to start to happen for the better, not just to help myself, but to help the relationships around me.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Trust no one!
I've come to realize that no one can be trusted and I shouldn't trust much of anyone unless it's someone that's a big part of my life and I've known them long enough to do so. Everyone else can go on my "Do Not Trust" list. No, I don't actually have one, but it's a mental thing.
It seems that as of lately, people just randomly will delete me on FB. No biggie since I'm not into FB like I used to be and barely even check it anymore. Not to mention, those that have deleted me are the people I barely speak with ever on there or in person. Then there are others that will be your friend to your face then snitch on you and make you look bad at work. There are also those people that you thought were your friends, but they instead just find nothing but negatives in you or something you do. I'm done completely with people. If this brings me down to having almost no friends except for my long-term buddies, then so be it. I'm done with the childish behavior and drama. I'm 29, which is way past being a child.
Today I dealt with 2 different things that have pushed me into this whole thought process. The first one being that one of the people I considered a really good friend confronted me via e-mail after I invited her out to lunch that she's mad at me because she thinks I avoided plans with her and some other people and lied about it all. The plans she's referring to involved my boyfriend, myself, her, her husband, and one other co-worker of ours and her boyfriend. Due to a transportation situation that weekend, we cancelled plans which was a blessing to my boyfriend since my one co-worker gets on his nerves. I'm not going to lie, she is loud, obnoxious, annoying, and can easily get under people's skin. I'm not denying that part, but she was there when the plans were made and you can't make plans around people and then not invite them. That's a total dick move. Anways, now I'm trailing off the topic. So, when I cancelled the plans I only explained the transportation situation and she said she understood. Now today, about 2 months later, she confronts me telling me she's been pissed at me this whole time because she thinks Sal and I avoided hanging out with and her husband and made up an excuse to get out of it. Wow! It took her 2 months to confront me that she thought I was lying?!?! I explained EVERYTHING and she seems like she understood, but I'm done trying to work things out. Obviously staying mad at me this long over something that was an assumption doesn't show a good friendship there and makes me feel like I'm not worth it to her. Well, I'm not going to bend over backwards anymore. I'm done!
Then after that whole situation, I had one of the managers at work that likes me tell me that a bunch of the people around me and my fellow secretaries are complaining about us behind our backs to their managers and ours that we complain too much at work and talk too much and keep them from doing their work. When she named some of the people to me, these are the same people who crack jokes with us and act cool with us. Don't act like our friend or like you like us if you're going to snitch on us behind our backs and try to get us in trouble. Being backstabbed or dealing with two-faced people is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. I'm so done! I'm going to just sit in silence for the rest of the time I'm working in this shitty shit hole and I'm going to push my continuous job hunting into overdrive. If I can't talk casually with the people around me or vent once in awhile about things both inside and outside of work, then fuck it. I never remember reading the employee manual and it say that speaking wasn't allowed. Maybe they should reprint those manuals and add that in big bold print so that we're all aware of it and know that talking at work is punishable by death. /eyeroll
So, long story short, I'm done trusting people and I'm done bending over backwards for people. I'm going to just live my life in way where I don't have people to trust and I will just keep everything inside (the good and the bad). I'm done feeling like I need to work on changing aspects of myself that don't need changing. I have a lot of changes I need to make to myself, but there are also things that I always considered good traits to have and the good traits I'm not changing to cater to the assholes around me. I'm done!
/endrant
It seems that as of lately, people just randomly will delete me on FB. No biggie since I'm not into FB like I used to be and barely even check it anymore. Not to mention, those that have deleted me are the people I barely speak with ever on there or in person. Then there are others that will be your friend to your face then snitch on you and make you look bad at work. There are also those people that you thought were your friends, but they instead just find nothing but negatives in you or something you do. I'm done completely with people. If this brings me down to having almost no friends except for my long-term buddies, then so be it. I'm done with the childish behavior and drama. I'm 29, which is way past being a child.
Today I dealt with 2 different things that have pushed me into this whole thought process. The first one being that one of the people I considered a really good friend confronted me via e-mail after I invited her out to lunch that she's mad at me because she thinks I avoided plans with her and some other people and lied about it all. The plans she's referring to involved my boyfriend, myself, her, her husband, and one other co-worker of ours and her boyfriend. Due to a transportation situation that weekend, we cancelled plans which was a blessing to my boyfriend since my one co-worker gets on his nerves. I'm not going to lie, she is loud, obnoxious, annoying, and can easily get under people's skin. I'm not denying that part, but she was there when the plans were made and you can't make plans around people and then not invite them. That's a total dick move. Anways, now I'm trailing off the topic. So, when I cancelled the plans I only explained the transportation situation and she said she understood. Now today, about 2 months later, she confronts me telling me she's been pissed at me this whole time because she thinks Sal and I avoided hanging out with and her husband and made up an excuse to get out of it. Wow! It took her 2 months to confront me that she thought I was lying?!?! I explained EVERYTHING and she seems like she understood, but I'm done trying to work things out. Obviously staying mad at me this long over something that was an assumption doesn't show a good friendship there and makes me feel like I'm not worth it to her. Well, I'm not going to bend over backwards anymore. I'm done!
Then after that whole situation, I had one of the managers at work that likes me tell me that a bunch of the people around me and my fellow secretaries are complaining about us behind our backs to their managers and ours that we complain too much at work and talk too much and keep them from doing their work. When she named some of the people to me, these are the same people who crack jokes with us and act cool with us. Don't act like our friend or like you like us if you're going to snitch on us behind our backs and try to get us in trouble. Being backstabbed or dealing with two-faced people is one of my biggest pet peeves ever. I'm so done! I'm going to just sit in silence for the rest of the time I'm working in this shitty shit hole and I'm going to push my continuous job hunting into overdrive. If I can't talk casually with the people around me or vent once in awhile about things both inside and outside of work, then fuck it. I never remember reading the employee manual and it say that speaking wasn't allowed. Maybe they should reprint those manuals and add that in big bold print so that we're all aware of it and know that talking at work is punishable by death. /eyeroll
So, long story short, I'm done trusting people and I'm done bending over backwards for people. I'm going to just live my life in way where I don't have people to trust and I will just keep everything inside (the good and the bad). I'm done feeling like I need to work on changing aspects of myself that don't need changing. I have a lot of changes I need to make to myself, but there are also things that I always considered good traits to have and the good traits I'm not changing to cater to the assholes around me. I'm done!
/endrant
Monday, September 12, 2011
Love is in the air
This was a great weekend full of love, happiness, joy, smiles, family, and friends. I took Friday off since it was the day of the wedding rehearsal, dinner, and the day all us girls were getting our nails and pedis done with the bride. Relaxing and fun.
Then on Saturday was my buddy Carmen's wedding. It was beautiful! She looked amazing! The ceremony went perfect, the reception was a blast, and I only cried 3 times throughout the night (when Carmen walked down the aisle with her father, when her and her hubby said their vows, and the father/daughter dance at the reception). Sal took tons of pictures with my camera and I'll have to filter through them soon and see which ones I can print or e-mail to the bride and groom. The only bad thing about the night was that the headache I had for part of the day turned into a migraine and I had to leave the wedding a bit early, but at least I stayed the night at my sweetie's place and the next morning (still with my head feeling terrible), he held me and made me feel loved and cared for.
Then on Sunday was mine and Sal's 7 year anniversary. We kept it simple and casual and we just spent the day together and got lunch just the two of us at Red Lobster. Other than that, we kept the day the same as any other day, but we made sure it was just us two. Over lunch though, I really was ready to get teary eyed because we literally talked about almost nothing except our future wedding plans. I don't know if it was the experience of the beauty and happiness of the wedding we attended the night before or if it was just the romance of spending some one-on-one time on our anniversary or a combo of both. Regardless though, it felt amazing to talk in such depth with Sal about our future wedding plans.
We covered everything from who we would want to stand up in our wedding, who we'd consider being our best man and maid of honor, how many guests we'd want, who we'd have to and want to invite to the wedding, the color scheme, the possible location, etc. We literally discussed in depth what we would be interested in having as our wedding. I know we're serious about getting married. I know we're the ones meant to be together. It just touched me to see that we actually took that next step of mentally planning how we would want our wedding to go.
As of right now our future plans goes like this, first we need to move out of our parents houses. We're currently saving up and plan on starting to look at places come January. Then after we move out, we'll do the whole engagement thing. Maybe not immediately since that leads to planning a wedding and money will be tight at first, but it will definitely be shortly after moving out. Then we'll get married when we have our date picked. From there life will just happen and fall into place.
It's the moments that this weekend brought that make me happy. It's the moments that make all those terrible work weeks seem non-existant. I wish I could feel as happy as I was this weekend all the time. It's definitely a feeling I could get used to.
Then on Saturday was my buddy Carmen's wedding. It was beautiful! She looked amazing! The ceremony went perfect, the reception was a blast, and I only cried 3 times throughout the night (when Carmen walked down the aisle with her father, when her and her hubby said their vows, and the father/daughter dance at the reception). Sal took tons of pictures with my camera and I'll have to filter through them soon and see which ones I can print or e-mail to the bride and groom. The only bad thing about the night was that the headache I had for part of the day turned into a migraine and I had to leave the wedding a bit early, but at least I stayed the night at my sweetie's place and the next morning (still with my head feeling terrible), he held me and made me feel loved and cared for.
Then on Sunday was mine and Sal's 7 year anniversary. We kept it simple and casual and we just spent the day together and got lunch just the two of us at Red Lobster. Other than that, we kept the day the same as any other day, but we made sure it was just us two. Over lunch though, I really was ready to get teary eyed because we literally talked about almost nothing except our future wedding plans. I don't know if it was the experience of the beauty and happiness of the wedding we attended the night before or if it was just the romance of spending some one-on-one time on our anniversary or a combo of both. Regardless though, it felt amazing to talk in such depth with Sal about our future wedding plans.
We covered everything from who we would want to stand up in our wedding, who we'd consider being our best man and maid of honor, how many guests we'd want, who we'd have to and want to invite to the wedding, the color scheme, the possible location, etc. We literally discussed in depth what we would be interested in having as our wedding. I know we're serious about getting married. I know we're the ones meant to be together. It just touched me to see that we actually took that next step of mentally planning how we would want our wedding to go.
As of right now our future plans goes like this, first we need to move out of our parents houses. We're currently saving up and plan on starting to look at places come January. Then after we move out, we'll do the whole engagement thing. Maybe not immediately since that leads to planning a wedding and money will be tight at first, but it will definitely be shortly after moving out. Then we'll get married when we have our date picked. From there life will just happen and fall into place.
It's the moments that this weekend brought that make me happy. It's the moments that make all those terrible work weeks seem non-existant. I wish I could feel as happy as I was this weekend all the time. It's definitely a feeling I could get used to.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
I need that push...hard.
It's been awhile since I've last posted, but it's mostly been because I've been doing a lot of thinking. Mostly just getting my thoughts straight. I've had a lot on my mind lately regarding work, life, friends, future plans, etc. So, instead of doing the world's longest blog post about everything I was thinking about, I simply just let myself think, which was much needed.
One of the things that I was thinking about, also one of my most stressful thoughts was my lack to be able to get back into a healthy groove. It's like I was doing awesome, then I slacked during and shortly after vacation. I got back in a slight groove for a short while, but then it's like I just didn't care. The problem is that I do care. I want to get back in shape sooooooo badly and I'm just struggling to get myself to stick with it. I've successfully been working out (running) 1 day a week, but that's not nearly enough. I used to workout about 4 days a week and I'm capable to still do that, I just don't for whatever reason.
My eating habits have also gone to shit. I love healthy food, but it seems that as of lately that I'd rather eat something fast food or filled with sugar instead of what I know I should be eating. I don't get it! This is something I both want and need so badly, but I'm neglecting it completely for no reason that I can think of other than laziness and the fact that I'm ignoring my will power. I also think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm a stress eater and I've been extremely stressed out lately and worrying about more things than I can handle, which has lead me to shove more in my mouth than I ever should.
I've put on about 10 of the pounds I've lost which breaks my heart. I lost 48 pounds total, then gained 10 back. I'm not saying that 38 pounds lost isn't still great, but I was doing awesome and I could continue to do awesome, but I'm slacking badly. It's like I need a push from someone, but things just don't seem to be going my way. I know I don't need a workout buddy. I know this because I've almost always done it alone and never struggled to get myself to continue with my routine. There's that part of me that feels like I should have someone though to push me. Someone to force me to go do my workouts 4 days a week and not allow myself excuses. I know I don't have anyone that can or will do this for me, but I feel like this is almost what I need, at least until I get back in the groove of things. I need that hard push!
After this weekend I think I'm going to try my best to push myself again. I know you should never set a date to get back into a healthy lifestyle, you should just do it, but this weekend I'm standing up in a wedding and when it comes to weddings you have no control over the food selection, then there's open bar, and wedding cake. I don't see this weekend being healthy. So, after this weekend, I'm going to try to attempt to give myself that hard push. I don't know if it will stick, but I'm really getting down over the weight gain after working so hard. I need to try to make this healthy routine stick. I HAVE TO!
One of the things that I was thinking about, also one of my most stressful thoughts was my lack to be able to get back into a healthy groove. It's like I was doing awesome, then I slacked during and shortly after vacation. I got back in a slight groove for a short while, but then it's like I just didn't care. The problem is that I do care. I want to get back in shape sooooooo badly and I'm just struggling to get myself to stick with it. I've successfully been working out (running) 1 day a week, but that's not nearly enough. I used to workout about 4 days a week and I'm capable to still do that, I just don't for whatever reason.
My eating habits have also gone to shit. I love healthy food, but it seems that as of lately that I'd rather eat something fast food or filled with sugar instead of what I know I should be eating. I don't get it! This is something I both want and need so badly, but I'm neglecting it completely for no reason that I can think of other than laziness and the fact that I'm ignoring my will power. I also think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm a stress eater and I've been extremely stressed out lately and worrying about more things than I can handle, which has lead me to shove more in my mouth than I ever should.
I've put on about 10 of the pounds I've lost which breaks my heart. I lost 48 pounds total, then gained 10 back. I'm not saying that 38 pounds lost isn't still great, but I was doing awesome and I could continue to do awesome, but I'm slacking badly. It's like I need a push from someone, but things just don't seem to be going my way. I know I don't need a workout buddy. I know this because I've almost always done it alone and never struggled to get myself to continue with my routine. There's that part of me that feels like I should have someone though to push me. Someone to force me to go do my workouts 4 days a week and not allow myself excuses. I know I don't have anyone that can or will do this for me, but I feel like this is almost what I need, at least until I get back in the groove of things. I need that hard push!
After this weekend I think I'm going to try my best to push myself again. I know you should never set a date to get back into a healthy lifestyle, you should just do it, but this weekend I'm standing up in a wedding and when it comes to weddings you have no control over the food selection, then there's open bar, and wedding cake. I don't see this weekend being healthy. So, after this weekend, I'm going to try to attempt to give myself that hard push. I don't know if it will stick, but I'm really getting down over the weight gain after working so hard. I need to try to make this healthy routine stick. I HAVE TO!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The things that get you thinking
I was reading up on the blogs that I follow and one in particular caught my eye. Granted the blog post that I read was directed specifically at bad friendships, but there were points made in it that got me thinking overall.
I work far too hard to please the people around me. I work my schedule around other people to meet their needs. I go to events that I don't want to go to because I don't want people to think that I'm avoiding them or that I always turn them down. I work things out to ensure that things I have to do don't get in the way of what the people around me have to do. It's like I work my whole life around everyone else instead of doing things as I want to do them, when I want to do them, and how I want to do them. I'm not saying I need to be selfish and say screw what everyone else wants, but I need to get people to meet in the middle with me and not completely re-arrange my life for everyone else to ensure that what they want works out 100% as they planned. I'm sorry, but I can't continue to work exclusively to please others.
I need to overall think more about myself. If I know I'm putting myself in a situation that's going to upset me or bring me down, I need to just avoid the situation entirely or confront the person about it, even if I know it's going to hurt someone's feelings. A perfect example is the whole previous post about me wondering if I should go this bachelorette party this weekend. I know I'm going to be doing stuff I don't enjoy and hurting my bank account in order to please a friend of mine. A real friend won't be pissed at me or judge me for thinking of myself first for one of the few times that I actually do so. She might be mad if it was just that I didn't want to go, but I don't see a true friend being mad at me for not attending an expensive event when I'm lower on cash than I'm comfortable being.
I shouldn't continue to push myself to do things to please others even if it will make me miserable, yet I continue to do so. Maybe I'm a glutten for punishment, I don't know. Or maybe I just don't like people being mad at or disappointed in me. It's something I'm going to need to work on. It's time for me to not worry about pleasing everyone and try to please myself more, even if that means having someone upset with me every now and then. I need to get over fearing what people will say or think, especially those that are supposed to be close to me and care about me.
In the past, I've also put up with people giving me attitudes over shit they were the ones that needed to get over, not me. Yet, I dealt with the attitude that was thrown my way and tried to remain neutral because I didn't want to upset them more. Screw that! If someone is going to have an attitude with me (my fault or otherwise), I'm going to bring it up then and there. I need to! I'm not saying that I should start a scene when out in public, but when some one-on-one time becomes available, bring it up immediately. Having someone talk down to me, treat me like shit, or silently be mad at me isn't something that I should ever stand for. It's high school bullshit that should have been left behind in high school. I'm 29 years old, that's far from a high school aged teenager. It's bad enough I deal with it at work because I need to keep my shitty job for the time being, but I definitely don't need that from people that are supposed to mean something to me. I need to start putting my foot down and making it seem like I actually give a crap about myself. They say you need to love yourself before you can love others, so I need to actually love myself and stop being a floor mat. I know I have my issues of being depressed to an extent, but that's no reason for me to feel like I'm not worth anything and can be treated however the hell the people around me want to treat me.
There are areas of my life that I need to work on, this is something I've known for years and have even improved over the years; however, I've neglected to work on the part of my life that needs fixing which involves those around me. The parts of my life that involves removing the bad apples and/or working on the relationships worth saving. It seems like people who take the step to improve their lives in areas that are obviously noticable corrections, they are overall happier over time. Maybe in the beginning it's hard because naturally we all like to please those around ourselves, but over time the change in their lives and the happiness that the changes brought are well worth it. I want to be one of those people that can openly admit that I took the step to make changes and can now look back on them and realize that they were some of the best moves I could have made. If I take it one step at a time, I think I can be one of those people. It's just going to take a lot of work, will power, and convincing myself of what's best.
I can do this!
I work far too hard to please the people around me. I work my schedule around other people to meet their needs. I go to events that I don't want to go to because I don't want people to think that I'm avoiding them or that I always turn them down. I work things out to ensure that things I have to do don't get in the way of what the people around me have to do. It's like I work my whole life around everyone else instead of doing things as I want to do them, when I want to do them, and how I want to do them. I'm not saying I need to be selfish and say screw what everyone else wants, but I need to get people to meet in the middle with me and not completely re-arrange my life for everyone else to ensure that what they want works out 100% as they planned. I'm sorry, but I can't continue to work exclusively to please others.
I need to overall think more about myself. If I know I'm putting myself in a situation that's going to upset me or bring me down, I need to just avoid the situation entirely or confront the person about it, even if I know it's going to hurt someone's feelings. A perfect example is the whole previous post about me wondering if I should go this bachelorette party this weekend. I know I'm going to be doing stuff I don't enjoy and hurting my bank account in order to please a friend of mine. A real friend won't be pissed at me or judge me for thinking of myself first for one of the few times that I actually do so. She might be mad if it was just that I didn't want to go, but I don't see a true friend being mad at me for not attending an expensive event when I'm lower on cash than I'm comfortable being.
I shouldn't continue to push myself to do things to please others even if it will make me miserable, yet I continue to do so. Maybe I'm a glutten for punishment, I don't know. Or maybe I just don't like people being mad at or disappointed in me. It's something I'm going to need to work on. It's time for me to not worry about pleasing everyone and try to please myself more, even if that means having someone upset with me every now and then. I need to get over fearing what people will say or think, especially those that are supposed to be close to me and care about me.
In the past, I've also put up with people giving me attitudes over shit they were the ones that needed to get over, not me. Yet, I dealt with the attitude that was thrown my way and tried to remain neutral because I didn't want to upset them more. Screw that! If someone is going to have an attitude with me (my fault or otherwise), I'm going to bring it up then and there. I need to! I'm not saying that I should start a scene when out in public, but when some one-on-one time becomes available, bring it up immediately. Having someone talk down to me, treat me like shit, or silently be mad at me isn't something that I should ever stand for. It's high school bullshit that should have been left behind in high school. I'm 29 years old, that's far from a high school aged teenager. It's bad enough I deal with it at work because I need to keep my shitty job for the time being, but I definitely don't need that from people that are supposed to mean something to me. I need to start putting my foot down and making it seem like I actually give a crap about myself. They say you need to love yourself before you can love others, so I need to actually love myself and stop being a floor mat. I know I have my issues of being depressed to an extent, but that's no reason for me to feel like I'm not worth anything and can be treated however the hell the people around me want to treat me.
There are areas of my life that I need to work on, this is something I've known for years and have even improved over the years; however, I've neglected to work on the part of my life that needs fixing which involves those around me. The parts of my life that involves removing the bad apples and/or working on the relationships worth saving. It seems like people who take the step to improve their lives in areas that are obviously noticable corrections, they are overall happier over time. Maybe in the beginning it's hard because naturally we all like to please those around ourselves, but over time the change in their lives and the happiness that the changes brought are well worth it. I want to be one of those people that can openly admit that I took the step to make changes and can now look back on them and realize that they were some of the best moves I could have made. If I take it one step at a time, I think I can be one of those people. It's just going to take a lot of work, will power, and convincing myself of what's best.
I can do this!
Monday, August 29, 2011
Would I be a bad friend?
Ok, I lied. I just posted that I was off to be a gamer geek, but it seems there is an update at needs to download before I can play, so I'm going to use this time to get some advice from you lovely people.
This weekend I have the bachelorette party that I'm supposed to go to for my friend that's getting married next weekend (the friend whose wedding I'm standing up in). Well, her bachlorette party consists of renting a suburban (limo prices were ridiculous), going to a drag queen show which includes dinner, and then finally followed by a night club (if you guys don't know how I feel about night clubs, read a few posts back and I get into great detail about my opinions of them). We're not even going to start to go out until about 8:00pm. This is late for me since I'm usually sleeping by 11:00pm. Not to mention the night club reviews are just terrible reviews almost all the way around. I'm surprised their still open considering it seems like it's more disliked that not.
Anyways, the reviews of the night club isn't the direction I was meaning to go with this. I'm trying to figure out if I should even go to this bachelorette party. Let me give you all my reasons for wondering about this. For starters...
~ It starts late for me since I get really tired by like 10:30 or 11:00pm. I can force myself to stay awake, but then I'm out of it and my eyes feel itchy and I'm just uncomfortable and even cranky sometimes. By the time my normal bed time rolls around, I doubt we'll even be completely done with the drag queen show and dinner let alone the full night meaning I have a lot of forcing myself to stay awake ahead of me. The other down side to me forcing myself to stay awake longer than my body would like me to is that I get bad headaches from this. So, I may end up being miserable with discomfort forcing myself to do this.
|~ Then it's the whole situation that I HATE night clubs. I would rather spend a night in jail than to go to a night club. No joke! So, the idea of forcing myself to stay awake for something I hate seems ridiculous.
~ Then there's the whole clothing situation. I can't afford to buy a new outfit specifically for this night. I have nothing that would be acceptable for a club of any kind. I don't own any pants other than jeans (which aren't even allowed at most night clubs) and business pants. All my shirts are either business, t-shirts, tank tops, or just plain style casual clothes (most of which are not allowed to wear at clubs). I'm not a big fashion buff, so my clothing is very plain jane.
~ Then, last but not least, I'm super tight on money and the idea of having to chip in for the car we're all renting, then to pay for the drag queen show, dinner, drinks, and whatever will need to be spent at the night club just seems like something completely out of my money availability zone. I don't want to be the downer because I'm too broke to enjoy myself and I definitely don't want to have an I.O.U. to anyone. Sorry, but I hate owing people money.
So, it's like I really shouldn't go to this bachelorette party, but I feel like I'd be a bad friend to not go since I know I'm not only one of her oldest friends, but I'm one of her bridesmaids. I feel like if I wasn't standing up in the wedding it would be acceptable for me to skip this, but with me standing up in the wedding, I feel like I have to go. It's just I can't afford it and realistically I don't think I would be good company between me getting tired and just overall having a hard time hiding when I'm not interested in something.
Please help me with some advice! I need some input on what to do. I'm completely unsure at the moment and could use any words of advice that can be offered.
This weekend I have the bachelorette party that I'm supposed to go to for my friend that's getting married next weekend (the friend whose wedding I'm standing up in). Well, her bachlorette party consists of renting a suburban (limo prices were ridiculous), going to a drag queen show which includes dinner, and then finally followed by a night club (if you guys don't know how I feel about night clubs, read a few posts back and I get into great detail about my opinions of them). We're not even going to start to go out until about 8:00pm. This is late for me since I'm usually sleeping by 11:00pm. Not to mention the night club reviews are just terrible reviews almost all the way around. I'm surprised their still open considering it seems like it's more disliked that not.
Anyways, the reviews of the night club isn't the direction I was meaning to go with this. I'm trying to figure out if I should even go to this bachelorette party. Let me give you all my reasons for wondering about this. For starters...
~ It starts late for me since I get really tired by like 10:30 or 11:00pm. I can force myself to stay awake, but then I'm out of it and my eyes feel itchy and I'm just uncomfortable and even cranky sometimes. By the time my normal bed time rolls around, I doubt we'll even be completely done with the drag queen show and dinner let alone the full night meaning I have a lot of forcing myself to stay awake ahead of me. The other down side to me forcing myself to stay awake longer than my body would like me to is that I get bad headaches from this. So, I may end up being miserable with discomfort forcing myself to do this.
|~ Then it's the whole situation that I HATE night clubs. I would rather spend a night in jail than to go to a night club. No joke! So, the idea of forcing myself to stay awake for something I hate seems ridiculous.
~ Then there's the whole clothing situation. I can't afford to buy a new outfit specifically for this night. I have nothing that would be acceptable for a club of any kind. I don't own any pants other than jeans (which aren't even allowed at most night clubs) and business pants. All my shirts are either business, t-shirts, tank tops, or just plain style casual clothes (most of which are not allowed to wear at clubs). I'm not a big fashion buff, so my clothing is very plain jane.
~ Then, last but not least, I'm super tight on money and the idea of having to chip in for the car we're all renting, then to pay for the drag queen show, dinner, drinks, and whatever will need to be spent at the night club just seems like something completely out of my money availability zone. I don't want to be the downer because I'm too broke to enjoy myself and I definitely don't want to have an I.O.U. to anyone. Sorry, but I hate owing people money.
So, it's like I really shouldn't go to this bachelorette party, but I feel like I'd be a bad friend to not go since I know I'm not only one of her oldest friends, but I'm one of her bridesmaids. I feel like if I wasn't standing up in the wedding it would be acceptable for me to skip this, but with me standing up in the wedding, I feel like I have to go. It's just I can't afford it and realistically I don't think I would be good company between me getting tired and just overall having a hard time hiding when I'm not interested in something.
Please help me with some advice! I need some input on what to do. I'm completely unsure at the moment and could use any words of advice that can be offered.
I have returned to the dark side!
I told myself I was done. I said I was completely done and I wouldn't spend any sort money anymore to feed my online gaming habit, but instead I hit rock bottom and I returned to the dark side. I am back to playing WoW (World of Warcraft for my non-gamer peeps out there). I didn't stop playing originally due to hating the game or anything like that. I just lost interest and I figured that paying $15/month to play a game off and on that I currently had a lack of interest in seemed like a waste. So, I cancelled my account and have been doing mostly reading with the occasional TV watching in my free time.
This weekend rolled around and it seemed like everything was telling me to come back to the game. Some of my old buddies who had quit playing in the past had returned and they have added new features to the game to allow me to have fun with my friends that play on other servers (this is a plus, trust me). Then when hanging out with some fellow WoW friends this weekend and literally reminiscing about the fun that we all used to have with our friends, guild, and just overall in general, I gave it some thought and decided that I might just give in and start playing again.
This Sunday was what got me to officially give in and rejoin the game. Sunday I literally had nothing to do. When I say nothing, I mean....NOTHING. My cable box is completely broken and I don't have one of those converter boxes, so I have had no form of TV access (normally this wouldn't bother me, but Sunday was BORING as hell). I didn't have any books to read as I'm all caught up with my current books and I'm trying not to spend money on new ones. I couldn't think of anything really interesting to do on the internet, so after much thought, I signed onto battle.net and reactivated my WoW account. I have a feeling this won't be a long time thing. I'm sure I'll stick with it for only a month, maybe two, and then cancel my account again. For the time being though, it's going to keep me amused in between working and working out. Yes, my inner geek is giddy, even though I know it's only temporary, but at least it's something to do to keep me from just sleeping (trust me, this is what I would do if I had nothing else to keep me amused).
So, with that said, off to be a gamer geek.
This weekend rolled around and it seemed like everything was telling me to come back to the game. Some of my old buddies who had quit playing in the past had returned and they have added new features to the game to allow me to have fun with my friends that play on other servers (this is a plus, trust me). Then when hanging out with some fellow WoW friends this weekend and literally reminiscing about the fun that we all used to have with our friends, guild, and just overall in general, I gave it some thought and decided that I might just give in and start playing again.
This Sunday was what got me to officially give in and rejoin the game. Sunday I literally had nothing to do. When I say nothing, I mean....NOTHING. My cable box is completely broken and I don't have one of those converter boxes, so I have had no form of TV access (normally this wouldn't bother me, but Sunday was BORING as hell). I didn't have any books to read as I'm all caught up with my current books and I'm trying not to spend money on new ones. I couldn't think of anything really interesting to do on the internet, so after much thought, I signed onto battle.net and reactivated my WoW account. I have a feeling this won't be a long time thing. I'm sure I'll stick with it for only a month, maybe two, and then cancel my account again. For the time being though, it's going to keep me amused in between working and working out. Yes, my inner geek is giddy, even though I know it's only temporary, but at least it's something to do to keep me from just sleeping (trust me, this is what I would do if I had nothing else to keep me amused).
So, with that said, off to be a gamer geek.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I'm not a TV person, but...
Some shows really know how to suck me in. I have some shows I enjoy watching, but if I miss an episode here or there, it's not the end of the world. I don't yell at the people around me to not tell me what happened or anything like that. Back in the day I had shows that I watched religiously and should I have missed an episode, I would have bit your face off if you told me what happened, but not currently. What I have been doing the past few months (maybe a little longer than that) was downloading shows online and watching the full series, or at least all the seasons up until the present one. My boyfriend downloads these shows, we watch numerous episodes a night when we hangout and we get hooked on them.
The show that started this whole trend was Dexter. I've written about my obsession with this show in a previous blog post, so go back and see how hooked I got. Long story short though, this is offically my favorite show and this is one that missing an episode will make me go into insane mode. The good news is that even though I don't have Showtime, there is this website that someone told me about where you can watch new shows within an hour of them airing. If you want to check it out, it's Channel 131. So, when the new season starts on October 2nd, you better believe I will be watching it that night, even though I don't have Showtime.
Anyways, I'm rambling on, where I was going with this is that after this obsession with Dexter, my boyfriend and I decided to start to search for new shows to get hooked on. Some were okay, some sucked. Then a co-worker of mine mentioned that since I love Michael C. Hall, the actor that portrays the character of Dexter, that I should check him out in an old HBO show he used to be on called Six Feet Under. This show is more of a drama meets a dark comedy. Michael C. Hall's character is NOTHING like his character on Dexter, which is why I had to check it out. When an actor can pull of numerous different roles of such a variety, it makes me look up to them more. It allows me to see how talented some actors are over others. Take my word on it, Michael C. Hall is one of these awesome actors. Exceptionally talented!
Anyways, I'm rambling again. As I was saying though, my boyfriend downloads this show and again I'm hooked. This is an awesome show (keep in mind it's twisted and revolves around death, which is right up my alley). It was only on for 5 seasons and then the show ended, but I find it interesting and screwed up all in one. The problem is that we're still currently watching this show and we're down to the last 3 episodes of the final season and I'm beyond hooked, yet I know that after these next 3 episodes there will be no more. Unlike Dexter, I can't just countdown the days until the new season starts, since it's no longer on. Although this is a bummer, I can get over it....I swear I can. I may not get over the day that Dexter is no longer on, but we'll worry about that when that day comes.
Another show that I'm pretty damn hooked on is House. Not only is this show funny, but it's a very intelligent show that never seems to get redundant. The main character is amazing! Hugh Laurie portrays the character of House better than I think anyone else would have ever been able to. The show also has a great cast of characters that work well together. These characters are so different from one another, but play so well as contrasting characters on the show. It makes it more interesting when they interact in both professional and personal situations on the show. Another great show that I'm counting down until the new season (October 3rd for those of you who are interested).
So, basically I have a few shows that I really love, but overall I try to avoid TV. I find staring at a screen for long periods of time to be exceptionally boring, which is probably why I loathe watching movies like 90% of the time. Most of my favorite shows are no longer on TV (with the exception of Dexter and House), but that's where the beauty of DVD seasons come into play. I have full seasons, or most of the seasons, of some of my favorite shows of the past. If I want to relive the awesomeness of those past shows I can watch them at my leisure. This is more up my alley. I hate having to dedicate a day and time to sitting in front of the TV, but I will make that exception for the two shows listed above. Other than those couple shows and maybe an occasional other one here and there, TV is my last resort for amusement. I'd rather use my time doing something more constructive, and let's face it, constructive is one word that you just can't use to describe watching TV...at least I can't.
The show that started this whole trend was Dexter. I've written about my obsession with this show in a previous blog post, so go back and see how hooked I got. Long story short though, this is offically my favorite show and this is one that missing an episode will make me go into insane mode. The good news is that even though I don't have Showtime, there is this website that someone told me about where you can watch new shows within an hour of them airing. If you want to check it out, it's Channel 131. So, when the new season starts on October 2nd, you better believe I will be watching it that night, even though I don't have Showtime.
Anyways, I'm rambling on, where I was going with this is that after this obsession with Dexter, my boyfriend and I decided to start to search for new shows to get hooked on. Some were okay, some sucked. Then a co-worker of mine mentioned that since I love Michael C. Hall, the actor that portrays the character of Dexter, that I should check him out in an old HBO show he used to be on called Six Feet Under. This show is more of a drama meets a dark comedy. Michael C. Hall's character is NOTHING like his character on Dexter, which is why I had to check it out. When an actor can pull of numerous different roles of such a variety, it makes me look up to them more. It allows me to see how talented some actors are over others. Take my word on it, Michael C. Hall is one of these awesome actors. Exceptionally talented!
Anyways, I'm rambling again. As I was saying though, my boyfriend downloads this show and again I'm hooked. This is an awesome show (keep in mind it's twisted and revolves around death, which is right up my alley). It was only on for 5 seasons and then the show ended, but I find it interesting and screwed up all in one. The problem is that we're still currently watching this show and we're down to the last 3 episodes of the final season and I'm beyond hooked, yet I know that after these next 3 episodes there will be no more. Unlike Dexter, I can't just countdown the days until the new season starts, since it's no longer on. Although this is a bummer, I can get over it....I swear I can. I may not get over the day that Dexter is no longer on, but we'll worry about that when that day comes.
Another show that I'm pretty damn hooked on is House. Not only is this show funny, but it's a very intelligent show that never seems to get redundant. The main character is amazing! Hugh Laurie portrays the character of House better than I think anyone else would have ever been able to. The show also has a great cast of characters that work well together. These characters are so different from one another, but play so well as contrasting characters on the show. It makes it more interesting when they interact in both professional and personal situations on the show. Another great show that I'm counting down until the new season (October 3rd for those of you who are interested).
So, basically I have a few shows that I really love, but overall I try to avoid TV. I find staring at a screen for long periods of time to be exceptionally boring, which is probably why I loathe watching movies like 90% of the time. Most of my favorite shows are no longer on TV (with the exception of Dexter and House), but that's where the beauty of DVD seasons come into play. I have full seasons, or most of the seasons, of some of my favorite shows of the past. If I want to relive the awesomeness of those past shows I can watch them at my leisure. This is more up my alley. I hate having to dedicate a day and time to sitting in front of the TV, but I will make that exception for the two shows listed above. Other than those couple shows and maybe an occasional other one here and there, TV is my last resort for amusement. I'd rather use my time doing something more constructive, and let's face it, constructive is one word that you just can't use to describe watching TV...at least I can't.
Monday, August 22, 2011
My mind is on the fritz!
I seem to have so much on my mind lately that it's ridiculous. I honestly think I'm stressing myself out to the point of being depressed. It's like I have things left and right from work and my personal life that have me worrying or that are just stressing me out and instead of dealing with them and making my brain stress out more and more, I've been dealing with these things by sleeping and pushing off the things I enjoy. I know, to an extent that doesn't make any sense, but it seems to be the way things are working out for me.
In the aspect of work, as if you all didn't know already, I hate my job...with a passion. I'm completely unhappy, unappreciated, treated poorly, overworked, and under paid. So, since I got back from vacation I have been job hunting, sending out my resumes, filling out applications, etc. Here I am over a month later and still haven't gotten even one call back from any of the places I've applied to. If my work isn't bringing me down enough, the fact that no one is interested in even interviewing me has me even more down. I'm a strong worker with a college degree, but I'm starting to feel like that's not enough anymore.
When it comes to my personal life, it's a bunch of misc things. My car this month has really run me thin on money. My pocket has been hit harder than I would have liked. With my car so far I've had to replace a rotted out muffler, I've had to get new brakes, I've had to buy my plate sticker (here in Chicago those stickers are $100), I'm due for my oil change, I have a tire that needs to either be replaced or patched up, and one of my rotors needs to be replaced. Thank you car for trying to put me in the poor house.
Also in the direction of money, this is the first month that my boyfriend and I have decided to start putting money into a savings account so that we can attempt to start looking into moving out by January. Well, because of my car issues, I'm not going to be able to put as much aside this month as we agreed on that that's really making me feel like shit. Our first month of starting this progress that's supposed to further our lives together and I feel like I'm failing him. I know he understands, but I can't help but feel low and like I'm not doing my part. This is something I want more than almost anything else, but I can't even give it my all right off the bat. I've seriously cried over this. I don't like feeling like I'm not meeting in the middle with this, even though my car is the only reason I can't do so. I know next month will be better, but I can't help but feel low because of failing immediately at the start of this.
Then there's my weight loss progress. Ever since vacation, I've slacked. There's no other way to say it. I've recently gotten back to eating fairly healthy (not completely, but better than I was doing) and I'm slowly getting back into jogging again. The problem is that I jog only once a week and stop because all I want to do is sleep. I haven't been sleeping well at all for months and with all this stuff on my mind, sleeping makes me feel like I'm temporarily avoiding the stresses of my life. So, there I go slacking on working out, which is hindering my weight loss progress. Granted one day a week is better than none, but let's be realistic, one day a week isn't going to get me results. So, technically, that one day a week is barely better than nothing. So, my weight loss progress has me stressing out because the last thing I want is to put back on any weight that I've lost. I'm tired of being fat!
I've also been thinking a lot about friendships I currently have. I feel like some need to be worked on and others just aren't worth keeping. It's like my depressed mood has me not giving a rats ass about where I stand with people who I care about. I don't like feeling like this. I don't like thinking that things that matter to me don't matter at all. This is not a mind set that I'm happy being in, but currently it's like I just don't care, even though deep down I do. It's like I want to be in a bubble to avoid everyone, but I know that's not healthy and truthfully I know it's not what I really want. So, my negative feelings towards some of the people around me has me feeling stressed out, worried, and confused.
I just seem to be in this funk that I can't seem to shake, which is why I'm truely starting to think that I'm depressed. The loss of interest, the increase in wanting to sleep, the lack of caring, etc. It's all normal signs of depression. I'm not saying that I need to go on medications and see a shrink or anything, because I don't feel I'm anywhere near the point of severe depression. I just think I'm in a small state of depression that I honestly think can be worked on with some changes to my life. A new job being probably the biggest one of them all since unfortunately we spend far too much of our lives at work. I think with a change in work, a better money month, and an extra kick in the ass to myself to get back into a healthy workout and diet routine I believe I can shake this. I know none of these things are going to happen overnight, so I'm not expecting to feel amazing and back to normal tomorrow. I just hope that more sooner than later things will start looking up so that I can go back to being myself and being overall happier again. Being in moods like this makes me hate myself and the last thing I want to do is hate myself. Not to mention, I don't like being in moods like this because I know what it's like to be around someone in a down mood. That negative mood can bring the whole group around you down and I definitely don't want to be the one that starts that chain reaction.
I'm doing my best to put on the happy face and be as normal as possible, but deep down I know I have work to do on myself and I know what it's going to take. It's just a matter of getting there.
In the aspect of work, as if you all didn't know already, I hate my job...with a passion. I'm completely unhappy, unappreciated, treated poorly, overworked, and under paid. So, since I got back from vacation I have been job hunting, sending out my resumes, filling out applications, etc. Here I am over a month later and still haven't gotten even one call back from any of the places I've applied to. If my work isn't bringing me down enough, the fact that no one is interested in even interviewing me has me even more down. I'm a strong worker with a college degree, but I'm starting to feel like that's not enough anymore.
When it comes to my personal life, it's a bunch of misc things. My car this month has really run me thin on money. My pocket has been hit harder than I would have liked. With my car so far I've had to replace a rotted out muffler, I've had to get new brakes, I've had to buy my plate sticker (here in Chicago those stickers are $100), I'm due for my oil change, I have a tire that needs to either be replaced or patched up, and one of my rotors needs to be replaced. Thank you car for trying to put me in the poor house.
Also in the direction of money, this is the first month that my boyfriend and I have decided to start putting money into a savings account so that we can attempt to start looking into moving out by January. Well, because of my car issues, I'm not going to be able to put as much aside this month as we agreed on that that's really making me feel like shit. Our first month of starting this progress that's supposed to further our lives together and I feel like I'm failing him. I know he understands, but I can't help but feel low and like I'm not doing my part. This is something I want more than almost anything else, but I can't even give it my all right off the bat. I've seriously cried over this. I don't like feeling like I'm not meeting in the middle with this, even though my car is the only reason I can't do so. I know next month will be better, but I can't help but feel low because of failing immediately at the start of this.
Then there's my weight loss progress. Ever since vacation, I've slacked. There's no other way to say it. I've recently gotten back to eating fairly healthy (not completely, but better than I was doing) and I'm slowly getting back into jogging again. The problem is that I jog only once a week and stop because all I want to do is sleep. I haven't been sleeping well at all for months and with all this stuff on my mind, sleeping makes me feel like I'm temporarily avoiding the stresses of my life. So, there I go slacking on working out, which is hindering my weight loss progress. Granted one day a week is better than none, but let's be realistic, one day a week isn't going to get me results. So, technically, that one day a week is barely better than nothing. So, my weight loss progress has me stressing out because the last thing I want is to put back on any weight that I've lost. I'm tired of being fat!
I've also been thinking a lot about friendships I currently have. I feel like some need to be worked on and others just aren't worth keeping. It's like my depressed mood has me not giving a rats ass about where I stand with people who I care about. I don't like feeling like this. I don't like thinking that things that matter to me don't matter at all. This is not a mind set that I'm happy being in, but currently it's like I just don't care, even though deep down I do. It's like I want to be in a bubble to avoid everyone, but I know that's not healthy and truthfully I know it's not what I really want. So, my negative feelings towards some of the people around me has me feeling stressed out, worried, and confused.
I just seem to be in this funk that I can't seem to shake, which is why I'm truely starting to think that I'm depressed. The loss of interest, the increase in wanting to sleep, the lack of caring, etc. It's all normal signs of depression. I'm not saying that I need to go on medications and see a shrink or anything, because I don't feel I'm anywhere near the point of severe depression. I just think I'm in a small state of depression that I honestly think can be worked on with some changes to my life. A new job being probably the biggest one of them all since unfortunately we spend far too much of our lives at work. I think with a change in work, a better money month, and an extra kick in the ass to myself to get back into a healthy workout and diet routine I believe I can shake this. I know none of these things are going to happen overnight, so I'm not expecting to feel amazing and back to normal tomorrow. I just hope that more sooner than later things will start looking up so that I can go back to being myself and being overall happier again. Being in moods like this makes me hate myself and the last thing I want to do is hate myself. Not to mention, I don't like being in moods like this because I know what it's like to be around someone in a down mood. That negative mood can bring the whole group around you down and I definitely don't want to be the one that starts that chain reaction.
I'm doing my best to put on the happy face and be as normal as possible, but deep down I know I have work to do on myself and I know what it's going to take. It's just a matter of getting there.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Makeup...my new addiction.
No, I haven't already given up the whole photography thing. I'm still bringing my camera with me to places I think will offer great photographic moments and I'm even going to start to having some photography outings with my photographer friend, Kriss. We mentioned that going out and just choosing a location to just take random pictures would be fun, so we'll start doing that at some point after she gets back from vacation. So, no, I haven't given up my new hobby of photography. I just haven't found myself developing the eye yet to just go out on my own and find random things to snap pictures of.
I have gotten recently into trying to learn new makeup techniques though. It all started with the fact that I felt bad that the maid of honor for the wedding I'm standing up in next month is going to be doing the bride & most of the bridesmaids makeup. I felt that this was a lot for her to take on when she's already supposed to be catering to the needs of the bride on her special day. With that in mind, I decided that I need to try to see if I'm capable of doing elegant meets dramatic makeup myself so that I will be one less person for the maid of honor to worry about on such an already hectic day.
I started by going to YouTube and searching eyeshadow techniques. I used key words like "dramatic", "smokey", "elegant" and I ended up finding a lot of AWESOME eye makeup tutorials for just such makeup. So, the past couple weeks I've been on this kick with checking out one tutorial after another and practicing these techniques on myself. I must say, that I've been doing an awesome job! I not only found the exact way I'm going to do my own makeup for my friend's wedding, but I also found other fun colorful ways of doing my eye makeup for just an everyday basis or for going out.
I'm really having a blast with this! It's gotten to the point where I'm considering eventually going to cosmetology school and doing professional makeup as a side job. Hell, maybe I won't even need to go to school for it if I practice enough and read up on some makeup technique books to where I can do it as second nature. Granted I couldn't work in a salon without going to school for it, but if I did it as my own boss as a side job via the internet or word of mouth, it could be some extra cash in my pocket doing something I find fun.
Either way though, for now it's just something I'm having fun with and I'm finding myself literally sitting at home in the evenings when I have no other plans and I just keep doing my makeup, taking it off, doing another style, taking it off, and so forth. I've taken some pictures of the final results, but unfortunately my phone camera sucks and most of it isn't clearly seen and when I've tried taking the pictures with my own camera, I can't find the right focus and distance when I'm not looking through the lens. So, all my pictures of the bad ass looking makeup jobs are fail, but I promise the makeup has looked amazing.
I have gotten recently into trying to learn new makeup techniques though. It all started with the fact that I felt bad that the maid of honor for the wedding I'm standing up in next month is going to be doing the bride & most of the bridesmaids makeup. I felt that this was a lot for her to take on when she's already supposed to be catering to the needs of the bride on her special day. With that in mind, I decided that I need to try to see if I'm capable of doing elegant meets dramatic makeup myself so that I will be one less person for the maid of honor to worry about on such an already hectic day.
I started by going to YouTube and searching eyeshadow techniques. I used key words like "dramatic", "smokey", "elegant" and I ended up finding a lot of AWESOME eye makeup tutorials for just such makeup. So, the past couple weeks I've been on this kick with checking out one tutorial after another and practicing these techniques on myself. I must say, that I've been doing an awesome job! I not only found the exact way I'm going to do my own makeup for my friend's wedding, but I also found other fun colorful ways of doing my eye makeup for just an everyday basis or for going out.
I'm really having a blast with this! It's gotten to the point where I'm considering eventually going to cosmetology school and doing professional makeup as a side job. Hell, maybe I won't even need to go to school for it if I practice enough and read up on some makeup technique books to where I can do it as second nature. Granted I couldn't work in a salon without going to school for it, but if I did it as my own boss as a side job via the internet or word of mouth, it could be some extra cash in my pocket doing something I find fun.
Either way though, for now it's just something I'm having fun with and I'm finding myself literally sitting at home in the evenings when I have no other plans and I just keep doing my makeup, taking it off, doing another style, taking it off, and so forth. I've taken some pictures of the final results, but unfortunately my phone camera sucks and most of it isn't clearly seen and when I've tried taking the pictures with my own camera, I can't find the right focus and distance when I'm not looking through the lens. So, all my pictures of the bad ass looking makeup jobs are fail, but I promise the makeup has looked amazing.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Clubbing = Pathetic form of amusement
Out of all the things out there to do to enjoy yourself, there are few that I can say that I either dislike or refuse to do. I'm a pretty open person with having fun and trying new things. I'm usually not one to turn down forms of fun; however, there is one form of "fun" and/or "amusement" that I can't stand and can honestly say I hate with a passion....clubbing. I can't stand going to clubs! Here is my list of reasons why clubs suck...
1. The music is far too loud! I'm not one for listening to loud music, even in my car. I don't even blast music that I love. I'm just not one for loudness. I don't even listen to the TV or a movie loud. So, having blaring music constantly with no breaks for silence is just not my thing in the least bit. Besides, I'm big on conversation and you can't talk with music that loud. You can only scream at each other like crazy people if you want to say anything.
2. Remixes and Euro music. Both of these are just so not my cup of tea. I can love a song, but the moment it gets remixed, I feel like the song has been destroyed. So, to remix a song and add this ungodly amount of bass to the point where even non-dance music becomes dance music, that's drawing the line for me. Then Euro music...don't get me started. I can rant and rave about that one for awhile, but I'm not going to because I'd rather not make this any longer than I need to. Long story short though...I hate Euro music and it all sounds the same to me.
3. The guys in clubs. Most of the guys in clubs are there looking for a girl to hook up with. I'm not on the prowl by any means. I'm in a long term relationship with a man that I love with all my heart, so to have to deal with horny, creepy guys approaching me all night asking to either dance or for my number makes me sick. I've never been one to want random guys hitting on me. Even when I was single, I didn't like being hit on in a pushy way. It's not my thing and I find it a huge turn off. What makes these guys even worse is that if you tell them your taken in hopes that they go away they push even more like they think everyone in a club is a slut and willingly to just meet up for a quick fuck. No thanks! I'd prefer the guys in the club to stay at least 50 yards away. Can I just get a pre-emptive restraining order prior to going to a club to keep these creepers away? That would be nice if I could.
4. The skanky girls. I hate going to a club and seeing these girls dressed in next to nothing to try to get these guys that I listed above that I avoid. Typically, unless your a slut, you don't pick up guys by dressing in a little of clothing as possible. That might just be my opinion, but it's my opinion nevertheless and it's how I truely feel. Introduce me to a girl that dresses in next to nothing and goes to a club that doesn't intend to pick up a guy for a night of sex and maybe I'll change my opinion on this, but I doubt anyone will be able to find a girl like this. I feel pretty confident of that.
5. The over priced drinks. I'm not one that goes to clubs by choice...EVER! If I'm there, it's because I got forced into it somehow, so I like to at least get a buzz from a few drinks to make the night less hair pulling. The problem with this is that the drink prices are ridiculous and the sizes of the drinks are pathetic. So, you're paying an arm and a leg for the itty bitty drink. Definitely not worth it.
6. Dancing. I don't dance. It's not that I don't like to, I mean it's great exercise, but I suck at it. So, to avoid looking like a dork by just swaying back in forth in a circle with the group of people I'm with, I just chill out on the side and drink one of those over priced drinks I listed above. What's even more annoying to me is when people try to get me to dance (strangers or friends), I say no, and they keep pushing. How about leaving me the hell alone and not push me to do something I'm not interested in? That would be ideal.
Now, you're all probably wondering what made me bring up this rant of why I hate clubbing. It's because one of my closest friends of 21 years is getting married next month and I'm standing up in the wedding. Well, since I'm standing up in the wedding, I'm basically before forced to go to the bachelorette party. This bachelorette party consists of a drag queen show (this I think will be a blast and I'm highly looking forward to it), dinner, and then finally a club *cringe*. I'm highly leaning towards doing the dinner and the drag queen show and then having my boyfriend pick me up and rescue me from the hell that is a night club. If he can't rescue me though, I'm screwed because we're all riding together the entire night in a rented Suburban that we're all chipping in for. The maid of honor's brother is our designated driver, so it's not a concern for anyone to have to drive after a night of drinking, but that also means that if I want to go home early, I can't...unless my boyfriend is sweetie and rescues me early.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed because right now I'm cringing at the thought of having to go to a club in a few weeks. I'm literally thinking of every excuse in the book to not go, but lying just isn't me. So, if my boyfriend agrees to be my hero on that night, I'm just going to be honest and run for the hills prior to going to the club. Yeah, some of you may think I'm a bad friend for avoiding attending the full bachelorette party, but I just hate clubs that much that no matter how much I love my friend, it's just not worth it. Trust me, if the tables were turned, I wouldn't be mad or hurt. In fact, I've had friends avoid parties/get togethers that I've had because it wasn't something that was their cup of tea, and I was fully okay with it. So, I'd like to think that she can be equally as understanding.
1. The music is far too loud! I'm not one for listening to loud music, even in my car. I don't even blast music that I love. I'm just not one for loudness. I don't even listen to the TV or a movie loud. So, having blaring music constantly with no breaks for silence is just not my thing in the least bit. Besides, I'm big on conversation and you can't talk with music that loud. You can only scream at each other like crazy people if you want to say anything.
2. Remixes and Euro music. Both of these are just so not my cup of tea. I can love a song, but the moment it gets remixed, I feel like the song has been destroyed. So, to remix a song and add this ungodly amount of bass to the point where even non-dance music becomes dance music, that's drawing the line for me. Then Euro music...don't get me started. I can rant and rave about that one for awhile, but I'm not going to because I'd rather not make this any longer than I need to. Long story short though...I hate Euro music and it all sounds the same to me.
3. The guys in clubs. Most of the guys in clubs are there looking for a girl to hook up with. I'm not on the prowl by any means. I'm in a long term relationship with a man that I love with all my heart, so to have to deal with horny, creepy guys approaching me all night asking to either dance or for my number makes me sick. I've never been one to want random guys hitting on me. Even when I was single, I didn't like being hit on in a pushy way. It's not my thing and I find it a huge turn off. What makes these guys even worse is that if you tell them your taken in hopes that they go away they push even more like they think everyone in a club is a slut and willingly to just meet up for a quick fuck. No thanks! I'd prefer the guys in the club to stay at least 50 yards away. Can I just get a pre-emptive restraining order prior to going to a club to keep these creepers away? That would be nice if I could.
4. The skanky girls. I hate going to a club and seeing these girls dressed in next to nothing to try to get these guys that I listed above that I avoid. Typically, unless your a slut, you don't pick up guys by dressing in a little of clothing as possible. That might just be my opinion, but it's my opinion nevertheless and it's how I truely feel. Introduce me to a girl that dresses in next to nothing and goes to a club that doesn't intend to pick up a guy for a night of sex and maybe I'll change my opinion on this, but I doubt anyone will be able to find a girl like this. I feel pretty confident of that.
5. The over priced drinks. I'm not one that goes to clubs by choice...EVER! If I'm there, it's because I got forced into it somehow, so I like to at least get a buzz from a few drinks to make the night less hair pulling. The problem with this is that the drink prices are ridiculous and the sizes of the drinks are pathetic. So, you're paying an arm and a leg for the itty bitty drink. Definitely not worth it.
6. Dancing. I don't dance. It's not that I don't like to, I mean it's great exercise, but I suck at it. So, to avoid looking like a dork by just swaying back in forth in a circle with the group of people I'm with, I just chill out on the side and drink one of those over priced drinks I listed above. What's even more annoying to me is when people try to get me to dance (strangers or friends), I say no, and they keep pushing. How about leaving me the hell alone and not push me to do something I'm not interested in? That would be ideal.
Now, you're all probably wondering what made me bring up this rant of why I hate clubbing. It's because one of my closest friends of 21 years is getting married next month and I'm standing up in the wedding. Well, since I'm standing up in the wedding, I'm basically before forced to go to the bachelorette party. This bachelorette party consists of a drag queen show (this I think will be a blast and I'm highly looking forward to it), dinner, and then finally a club *cringe*. I'm highly leaning towards doing the dinner and the drag queen show and then having my boyfriend pick me up and rescue me from the hell that is a night club. If he can't rescue me though, I'm screwed because we're all riding together the entire night in a rented Suburban that we're all chipping in for. The maid of honor's brother is our designated driver, so it's not a concern for anyone to have to drive after a night of drinking, but that also means that if I want to go home early, I can't...unless my boyfriend is sweetie and rescues me early.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed because right now I'm cringing at the thought of having to go to a club in a few weeks. I'm literally thinking of every excuse in the book to not go, but lying just isn't me. So, if my boyfriend agrees to be my hero on that night, I'm just going to be honest and run for the hills prior to going to the club. Yeah, some of you may think I'm a bad friend for avoiding attending the full bachelorette party, but I just hate clubs that much that no matter how much I love my friend, it's just not worth it. Trust me, if the tables were turned, I wouldn't be mad or hurt. In fact, I've had friends avoid parties/get togethers that I've had because it wasn't something that was their cup of tea, and I was fully okay with it. So, I'd like to think that she can be equally as understanding.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Goodbye rut!
My last blog post was about being stuck in an exercise rut, and although I didn't fix that problem immediately, today the problem has come to a halt. Today, I pushed myself to go for a run and stop the slacking. I've been feeling sluggish and I hated that I was putting my weightloss on hold for no good reason other than laziness. So, today I put a stop to that crappy feeling and pushed myself to workout.
I must say, that I'm shocked that today of all days was that one that successfully I pushed myself to workout. Let me give you a run down of my day so you all can see why that is.
~ I started the day by waking up earlier than I wanted to. My body forced me awake just before 8:00 this morning. Needless to say on a weekend that sucks. I couldn't fall back asleep though even though saying I was still sleepy was an understatement.
~ Then I took my car in to get my muffler put back on (it fell off months ago and I kept putting off forking over the money to have it reattached).
~ Immediately after getting my muffler fixed, I ran over to Target to buy some items off my buddy's bridal registry for her shower that's in a couple weeks.
~ After that I came home and immediately starting sorting though clothes and misc other things to get them together for a garage sale that my boyfriend and I are having in a few weeks. I did this for a couple hours and I'm still not done.
I decided to take a break from that for a bit and in that short time of relaxing (about an hour), I got really drowsy and decided to take a nap, well before I could even close my eyes, I put my foot down and told myself that I need to cut this procrastination and get my butt in gear. So, instead of curling into bed, I changed into workout clothes, got my running shoes on, and went outside for a run. I did a walk/run combo for 30 minutes. Granted its a short workout, but I feel amazing. To top that off, my day isn't even close to done. I still have to shower and get ready to go and get the alterations done on ours dresses with the bride and other bridesmaids of the wedding I'm standing up in next month and then we're all doing dinner together right afterwards to discuss last minute plans with the shower/bachelorette party/wedding.
This has been and is continuing to be a long Sunday, but I'm feeling really accomplished and I'm happy about that. The good news is, with this full day, I should hopefully sleep really good tonight. Maybe I'll actually feel refreshed on a Monday morning....or maybe I shouldn't push it. It's a nice thought though, right?
I must say, that I'm shocked that today of all days was that one that successfully I pushed myself to workout. Let me give you a run down of my day so you all can see why that is.
~ I started the day by waking up earlier than I wanted to. My body forced me awake just before 8:00 this morning. Needless to say on a weekend that sucks. I couldn't fall back asleep though even though saying I was still sleepy was an understatement.
~ Then I took my car in to get my muffler put back on (it fell off months ago and I kept putting off forking over the money to have it reattached).
~ Immediately after getting my muffler fixed, I ran over to Target to buy some items off my buddy's bridal registry for her shower that's in a couple weeks.
~ After that I came home and immediately starting sorting though clothes and misc other things to get them together for a garage sale that my boyfriend and I are having in a few weeks. I did this for a couple hours and I'm still not done.
I decided to take a break from that for a bit and in that short time of relaxing (about an hour), I got really drowsy and decided to take a nap, well before I could even close my eyes, I put my foot down and told myself that I need to cut this procrastination and get my butt in gear. So, instead of curling into bed, I changed into workout clothes, got my running shoes on, and went outside for a run. I did a walk/run combo for 30 minutes. Granted its a short workout, but I feel amazing. To top that off, my day isn't even close to done. I still have to shower and get ready to go and get the alterations done on ours dresses with the bride and other bridesmaids of the wedding I'm standing up in next month and then we're all doing dinner together right afterwards to discuss last minute plans with the shower/bachelorette party/wedding.
This has been and is continuing to be a long Sunday, but I'm feeling really accomplished and I'm happy about that. The good news is, with this full day, I should hopefully sleep really good tonight. Maybe I'll actually feel refreshed on a Monday morning....or maybe I shouldn't push it. It's a nice thought though, right?
Monday, August 1, 2011
I'm stuck in an exercise rut!
I have been doing awesome with my working out and eating healthy. I lost 48 pounds prior to vacation a few weeks ago and I felt great. Granted, I didn't reach my 50 pounds lost before vacay goal, but I came close enough to still feel amazing. On vacation I didn't workout or eat healthy. It's vacation! Get over it! I came back, got on the scale and gained 4 pounds. No biggie! I was okay with the weight gain because I had fun and I didn't feel like a stick in the mud that watched every calorie while I'm supposed to be relaxing and having fun.
Then I get back from vacation and tell myself, "Okay Davina. Vacation is over and it's back to working out and eating healthy again." Easy enough I thought. So, I go back to eating semi-healthy. Not as good as I was being, but I was better than I was on vacation. Then I realized that my eating habits were slacking a bit, so I forced myself and get back on track with my healthy eating and watching my carb intake again. The problem is that the whole working out thing hasn't happened since I've been back from vacation and I'm hating it.
When I workout I feel amazing and I feel like I'm getting healthier with each workout I do. I only do workouts that I enjoy (most recently running and yoga) and I keep myself going by knowing that it will get me to continue losing the weight that I so badly need to and want to lose. The problem is that everyday that I've woken up and told myself that today will be my first day back to working out, I find something else to do to avoid doing it. I don't get it. I know how great I feel afterwards, I do workouts I enjoy, yet since I got back from vacation, I've dreaded the thought of working out. It's like my brain and body are fighting over whether or not I should workout and even though my brain knows I need to, my body gets into lazy mode and refuses to.
I'm stuck in this rut and I don't know how to get out of it. I suppose forcing myself to just do it for day after day will eventually get me back on track, but taking that first step back into it is absolutely killing me. I almost feel like I need a workout buddy, but that's not realistic right now. My closest friends all have gym memberships and that's how they workout for the most part and I personally refuse to get another gym membership. I don't like paying to use machines that I don't need. I have weights at home, tons of workout DVDs, I have a treadmill at home, and I'm capable of running outside while the weather is still beautiful. I don't need to have another monthly bill to pay when I can do all my working out at home. Then there is my boyfriend. He wants to get in shape too, but everytime I bring up working out, he agrees to do it with me and then keeps putting it off when I ask him about starting. I love him dearly, but he's more of a procrastinator when it comes to working out than I could ever be. So, I'm pretty much on my own, meaning I'm just going to have to force myself to do it whether or not I like it. Then, as my body gets back in the groove of things, maybe it'll stop being so lazy about doing my normal workout routine.
Ugh...why does losing weight have to be so stressful? I wish I could take it off as quickly as I put it on.
Then I get back from vacation and tell myself, "Okay Davina. Vacation is over and it's back to working out and eating healthy again." Easy enough I thought. So, I go back to eating semi-healthy. Not as good as I was being, but I was better than I was on vacation. Then I realized that my eating habits were slacking a bit, so I forced myself and get back on track with my healthy eating and watching my carb intake again. The problem is that the whole working out thing hasn't happened since I've been back from vacation and I'm hating it.
When I workout I feel amazing and I feel like I'm getting healthier with each workout I do. I only do workouts that I enjoy (most recently running and yoga) and I keep myself going by knowing that it will get me to continue losing the weight that I so badly need to and want to lose. The problem is that everyday that I've woken up and told myself that today will be my first day back to working out, I find something else to do to avoid doing it. I don't get it. I know how great I feel afterwards, I do workouts I enjoy, yet since I got back from vacation, I've dreaded the thought of working out. It's like my brain and body are fighting over whether or not I should workout and even though my brain knows I need to, my body gets into lazy mode and refuses to.
I'm stuck in this rut and I don't know how to get out of it. I suppose forcing myself to just do it for day after day will eventually get me back on track, but taking that first step back into it is absolutely killing me. I almost feel like I need a workout buddy, but that's not realistic right now. My closest friends all have gym memberships and that's how they workout for the most part and I personally refuse to get another gym membership. I don't like paying to use machines that I don't need. I have weights at home, tons of workout DVDs, I have a treadmill at home, and I'm capable of running outside while the weather is still beautiful. I don't need to have another monthly bill to pay when I can do all my working out at home. Then there is my boyfriend. He wants to get in shape too, but everytime I bring up working out, he agrees to do it with me and then keeps putting it off when I ask him about starting. I love him dearly, but he's more of a procrastinator when it comes to working out than I could ever be. So, I'm pretty much on my own, meaning I'm just going to have to force myself to do it whether or not I like it. Then, as my body gets back in the groove of things, maybe it'll stop being so lazy about doing my normal workout routine.
Ugh...why does losing weight have to be so stressful? I wish I could take it off as quickly as I put it on.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Get a hobby!
Although no one has demanded that I get one, I felt it's about time I actually do a get a new hobby. I've had numerous hobbies growing up, mostly consisting of arts & crafts, but I haven't had a real hobby in about a year and I miss it. Currently my time consists of working full-time, working out a few days a week, hanging out with my boyfriend and friends, and when I'm flying solo it's pretty much reading or watching TV (I'm not the biggest fan of the latter unless it's a show I'm a huge fan of.) So, I decided I need to get a hobby to fill that void in my life. Not to mention, I'm tired of spending my free time mostly just doing something around the house.
I may consider myself a home body a lot, but I really enjoy being out and about and not always being cooped up. Although I've always known this about myself, I really realized it on vacation last week. It's like when I was out and about, even just driving around seeing the random sights and surrounding of different towns within California, I was at my happiest on vacation. Being stuck in my hotel room for longer than to just sleep and shower was almost hair pulling. I'm not saying relaxing some wasn't needed and appreciated, but I much preferred enjoying life and to me that doesn't consist of watching TV or just sitting a room.
Looking back at this concept, I realized that my new hobby should be something that doesn't force me to spend more time indoors. So, I thought about things I enjoy doing that don't involve me relying on anyone else, but that also doesn't force me to suddenly become a loner in order to enjoy my hobby. That's when it hit me...photography! I used to carry my camera around with me everywhere so that I wouldn't miss a moment of anything fun or exciting happening. The problem was that many of the people I used to hangout with back in the day dreaded that I had my camera with. It was like they didn't want moments of their lives caught on film. If you look back at my old photo albums, I have pictures of everything from special moments (birthdays, graduations, parties, etc.) to tons of pictures of us just enjoying life together not doing anything special. Nowadays though, it's like if it's not a brutally special occasion, I don't bother even bringing my camera along because of all those years of having friends hide from the camera caused me to assume people hate cameras. Hell, most special occasions that I have brought my camera along to, it never even got used just to avoid what I thought would be an awkward situation for some people. I miss having pictures galore though of just living life. It doesn't have to be of people, hell it could be sights or cool plants or animals I come across, even interesting things I see out running errands. I realize now that pictures don't have to only be of people in posed moments. They can be of anything and everything.
With that realization, I decided that I want to get into photography as a hobby. I realize that when you get heavily into it, it can be a very expensive hobby since really good cameras aren't cheap and all the accessories you need can quite pricey, but for right now, I'd be a beginner. The camera I currently have will be fine for me to start with. As I get more into the hobby, if I love it as much as I think I will, I can always invest in a shnazzy camera later. For now though, my only investment into this hobby was that today I ordered off of Amazon.com a couple of those "Photography for Dummies" books. One helps understand what digital cameras are capable of (I'm totally ignorant to everything my simple camera can do, let alone what a fancy camera can do). The other book actually helps guide you to notice photographic moments and how to appropriately catch them with the right camera settings, then how to fix and correct pictures as needed with programs on the computer. It was about $40 spent, but well worth learning something new. I should have the books later this week and hopefully I can start to fill my brain with new knowledge that I look forward to learning. I do realize that books can't teach me everything, but I'm willing to learn with trial and error doing hands on work. Not to mention, it helps that one of my close friends is a Photographer and I'm sure she will be happy to guide me with any questions I have.
I don't plan on making this a profession since I did spend ridiculous amounts of money going to school to get my degree in Criminal Justice, but I think this will be a fun hobby that will also allow me to have memories for life in the form of a photograph. Not to mention, I'm tired of having so many moments in my life that I regret having a picture of to be a physical memory. I've seen some fun, awesome, and interesting things, but the only memories I have of them are whatever my brain allows me to remember. I like the idea of being able to look at a photograph more and having that memory jogged that way. Not to mention, pictures don't lie and they are an awesome way to have a memory remembered exactly as it really was and not as our brains morphed into being remembered.
I may consider myself a home body a lot, but I really enjoy being out and about and not always being cooped up. Although I've always known this about myself, I really realized it on vacation last week. It's like when I was out and about, even just driving around seeing the random sights and surrounding of different towns within California, I was at my happiest on vacation. Being stuck in my hotel room for longer than to just sleep and shower was almost hair pulling. I'm not saying relaxing some wasn't needed and appreciated, but I much preferred enjoying life and to me that doesn't consist of watching TV or just sitting a room.
Looking back at this concept, I realized that my new hobby should be something that doesn't force me to spend more time indoors. So, I thought about things I enjoy doing that don't involve me relying on anyone else, but that also doesn't force me to suddenly become a loner in order to enjoy my hobby. That's when it hit me...photography! I used to carry my camera around with me everywhere so that I wouldn't miss a moment of anything fun or exciting happening. The problem was that many of the people I used to hangout with back in the day dreaded that I had my camera with. It was like they didn't want moments of their lives caught on film. If you look back at my old photo albums, I have pictures of everything from special moments (birthdays, graduations, parties, etc.) to tons of pictures of us just enjoying life together not doing anything special. Nowadays though, it's like if it's not a brutally special occasion, I don't bother even bringing my camera along because of all those years of having friends hide from the camera caused me to assume people hate cameras. Hell, most special occasions that I have brought my camera along to, it never even got used just to avoid what I thought would be an awkward situation for some people. I miss having pictures galore though of just living life. It doesn't have to be of people, hell it could be sights or cool plants or animals I come across, even interesting things I see out running errands. I realize now that pictures don't have to only be of people in posed moments. They can be of anything and everything.
With that realization, I decided that I want to get into photography as a hobby. I realize that when you get heavily into it, it can be a very expensive hobby since really good cameras aren't cheap and all the accessories you need can quite pricey, but for right now, I'd be a beginner. The camera I currently have will be fine for me to start with. As I get more into the hobby, if I love it as much as I think I will, I can always invest in a shnazzy camera later. For now though, my only investment into this hobby was that today I ordered off of Amazon.com a couple of those "Photography for Dummies" books. One helps understand what digital cameras are capable of (I'm totally ignorant to everything my simple camera can do, let alone what a fancy camera can do). The other book actually helps guide you to notice photographic moments and how to appropriately catch them with the right camera settings, then how to fix and correct pictures as needed with programs on the computer. It was about $40 spent, but well worth learning something new. I should have the books later this week and hopefully I can start to fill my brain with new knowledge that I look forward to learning. I do realize that books can't teach me everything, but I'm willing to learn with trial and error doing hands on work. Not to mention, it helps that one of my close friends is a Photographer and I'm sure she will be happy to guide me with any questions I have.
I don't plan on making this a profession since I did spend ridiculous amounts of money going to school to get my degree in Criminal Justice, but I think this will be a fun hobby that will also allow me to have memories for life in the form of a photograph. Not to mention, I'm tired of having so many moments in my life that I regret having a picture of to be a physical memory. I've seen some fun, awesome, and interesting things, but the only memories I have of them are whatever my brain allows me to remember. I like the idea of being able to look at a photograph more and having that memory jogged that way. Not to mention, pictures don't lie and they are an awesome way to have a memory remembered exactly as it really was and not as our brains morphed into being remembered.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Vacation Recap
I have officially been back from vacation for a few days already, but my body clock is still 2 hours behind Chicago time (we went to California) and getting myself back in the groove of things hasn't been easy. So, here's a late recap of vacation.
Tuesday 7/12/11 - We landed at LAX airport and went to pick up our car rental just to find out that Thrifty fucked up. They booked our rental, but didn't take out the payment made at an amazing deal that was found at the time of booking the rental back in April. So, Thrifty demanded we had to pay for the car then and the final total ended up being more than $200 more than we originally booked it at. Total bullshit! We basically said screw them and took a cab to our hotel to check-in and get situated. After some internet searching and phone calls (not on my part, so I can't take any credit for it) a rental was found that would be available to us by 9:00am the following morning and at an amazing deal with no catches. Perfect! The day was working in our favor. Since we were without a car that first day, we hoofed it for lunch and dinner and just took it easy by the pool.
Wednesday 7/13/11 - We picked up our car early in the morning and grabbed an AWESOME breakfast immediately afterwards. We then made a Target run (yes, even on vacation Target is amazing) and then cruised around a bit and ended up hitting up Santa Monica Pier. We walked around there, took in the beautiful beach view, and then hit up Yummy Cupcakes to get some delish and unique cupcakes. We then hit up our hotel, had some chill out time by the pool, and ended it with dinner at this amazing restaurant called Gladstone's in Malibu where we ate the best seafood I have ever had and our table had an ocean view. That was one of those moments that you want to freeze in time.
Thursday 7/14/11 - This day we pretty much took it easy. My boyfriend and I cruised around a little by the beach to check out the beautiful scenery and afterwards made it a lazy pool day. Later that night we all hit up a pretty yummy Mexican restaurant. I don't know if it could be considered "authentic" since it tasted awfully similar to the Mexican restraurants here in Chicago (I've been told by some California friends that have had Mexican here in the Chi that we're too far from the border to have truely authentic Mexican food), but it was still good and kept me full and satisified.
Friday 7/15/11 - We woke up early, had breakfast and hit up Knott's Berry Farm. So much fun! It was pretty damn hot, but we did some fun shopping around the park (we even picked up homemade jam) and rode on a few rides. I even had funnel cake! This was by far the best part of the amusement park. I'm not saying I didn't have a blast the rest of the day, but funnel cake is like this fatty amazing goodness that words can not describe. Definitely my favorite part! After Knott's Berry, we went on a random whim and hit up this Body Art Expo. It was a completely out of the air sort of idea, but it was fun. A lot of interesting people there. 3 out of 4 of us got inked there (I got a sea turtle on my foot!), with the exception of my boyfriend. We were there until about close, which was at 11:00pm and then went for a very late dinner. Granted, it was fast food, but it was still dinner. Besides, not much is open that late on a weeknight.
Saturday 7/16/11 - This was the day we hit up San Diego Zoo! I LOVED it! Definitely the best zoo I have ever been to. It was no only HUGE, but it had some more unique animals than some of the zoos in our area. The sad news is that my camera's battery died only like a quarter of the way through the zoo, so I had to use my boyfriend's camera to take the remaining pictures. Not that there is anything wrong with his camera, but he's bad about uploading pictures to look back at later. I may have to convince him to make an exception for me on this one. We did so much walking on this day though that my feet were killing me and my calves were sore and had that charlie horse feeling (you all know what I'm talking about). I accepted the pain though because the zoo was a blast and I'm a huge animal lover, so it was a great day for me. If you've never been and decide to go, where comfy shoes and expect to do a lot of steep hill walking. After the zoo we had a simple dinner at the restaurant attached to our hotel and then got some shut eye after the long day of walking.
Sunday 7/18/11 - We woke up and got lunch (slept in too late for breakfast) and then hit up Target again (Sorry, this store is awesome!). We headed back to the hotel for a lazy day and later that evening my boyfriend and I got dinner with 2 of our good buddies that live in California. It was an awesome restaurant with yummy cocktails (I got a Bikini Tini...no joke!), delish food, and amazing desserts. The view was to die for as well. Another ocean view! So beautiful! We ended up being there for almost 4 hours just talking and catching up. I had a blast!
Monday 7/19/11 - Our last and final day in California. We went out for breakfast and afterwards filled the rental with gas and dropped it off. We took a cab to LAX and ended having to hangout there for about 5 hours. Our flight was at 5:45pm and we got there shortly after noon. We pretty much just checked out the stores at the airport and strolled around. We eventually grabbed dinner there and then relaxed in the terminal for a bit prior boarding and heading home. We didn't get back to Chicago until almost midnight, which was exhausting.
All in all, we hit some speed bumps on vacation, but overall I had a blast and saying it was both fun and relaxing is an understatement. I loved checking out so much of the different areas withing the southern part of California and the weather was perfect. Coming back to Chicago to temperatures that were over 100 degrees with the humidity was pretty shocking, but I'd rather it be hot than cold, so I'll take it. I'm still relaxed from vacation and that's after being back to work for 2 days already. I guess that's a sign that vacation did exactly what it was supposed to do...relax me. =)
Oh...since I can't find the cable for my camera, I couldn't upload any of the pictures. I ordered a new cord and hopefully it will be in soon. Once I get it, I will try to post some pictures...granted I figure out how to that on here. LOL!
Tuesday 7/12/11 - We landed at LAX airport and went to pick up our car rental just to find out that Thrifty fucked up. They booked our rental, but didn't take out the payment made at an amazing deal that was found at the time of booking the rental back in April. So, Thrifty demanded we had to pay for the car then and the final total ended up being more than $200 more than we originally booked it at. Total bullshit! We basically said screw them and took a cab to our hotel to check-in and get situated. After some internet searching and phone calls (not on my part, so I can't take any credit for it) a rental was found that would be available to us by 9:00am the following morning and at an amazing deal with no catches. Perfect! The day was working in our favor. Since we were without a car that first day, we hoofed it for lunch and dinner and just took it easy by the pool.
Wednesday 7/13/11 - We picked up our car early in the morning and grabbed an AWESOME breakfast immediately afterwards. We then made a Target run (yes, even on vacation Target is amazing) and then cruised around a bit and ended up hitting up Santa Monica Pier. We walked around there, took in the beautiful beach view, and then hit up Yummy Cupcakes to get some delish and unique cupcakes. We then hit up our hotel, had some chill out time by the pool, and ended it with dinner at this amazing restaurant called Gladstone's in Malibu where we ate the best seafood I have ever had and our table had an ocean view. That was one of those moments that you want to freeze in time.
Thursday 7/14/11 - This day we pretty much took it easy. My boyfriend and I cruised around a little by the beach to check out the beautiful scenery and afterwards made it a lazy pool day. Later that night we all hit up a pretty yummy Mexican restaurant. I don't know if it could be considered "authentic" since it tasted awfully similar to the Mexican restraurants here in Chicago (I've been told by some California friends that have had Mexican here in the Chi that we're too far from the border to have truely authentic Mexican food), but it was still good and kept me full and satisified.
Friday 7/15/11 - We woke up early, had breakfast and hit up Knott's Berry Farm. So much fun! It was pretty damn hot, but we did some fun shopping around the park (we even picked up homemade jam) and rode on a few rides. I even had funnel cake! This was by far the best part of the amusement park. I'm not saying I didn't have a blast the rest of the day, but funnel cake is like this fatty amazing goodness that words can not describe. Definitely my favorite part! After Knott's Berry, we went on a random whim and hit up this Body Art Expo. It was a completely out of the air sort of idea, but it was fun. A lot of interesting people there. 3 out of 4 of us got inked there (I got a sea turtle on my foot!), with the exception of my boyfriend. We were there until about close, which was at 11:00pm and then went for a very late dinner. Granted, it was fast food, but it was still dinner. Besides, not much is open that late on a weeknight.
Saturday 7/16/11 - This was the day we hit up San Diego Zoo! I LOVED it! Definitely the best zoo I have ever been to. It was no only HUGE, but it had some more unique animals than some of the zoos in our area. The sad news is that my camera's battery died only like a quarter of the way through the zoo, so I had to use my boyfriend's camera to take the remaining pictures. Not that there is anything wrong with his camera, but he's bad about uploading pictures to look back at later. I may have to convince him to make an exception for me on this one. We did so much walking on this day though that my feet were killing me and my calves were sore and had that charlie horse feeling (you all know what I'm talking about). I accepted the pain though because the zoo was a blast and I'm a huge animal lover, so it was a great day for me. If you've never been and decide to go, where comfy shoes and expect to do a lot of steep hill walking. After the zoo we had a simple dinner at the restaurant attached to our hotel and then got some shut eye after the long day of walking.
Sunday 7/18/11 - We woke up and got lunch (slept in too late for breakfast) and then hit up Target again (Sorry, this store is awesome!). We headed back to the hotel for a lazy day and later that evening my boyfriend and I got dinner with 2 of our good buddies that live in California. It was an awesome restaurant with yummy cocktails (I got a Bikini Tini...no joke!), delish food, and amazing desserts. The view was to die for as well. Another ocean view! So beautiful! We ended up being there for almost 4 hours just talking and catching up. I had a blast!
Monday 7/19/11 - Our last and final day in California. We went out for breakfast and afterwards filled the rental with gas and dropped it off. We took a cab to LAX and ended having to hangout there for about 5 hours. Our flight was at 5:45pm and we got there shortly after noon. We pretty much just checked out the stores at the airport and strolled around. We eventually grabbed dinner there and then relaxed in the terminal for a bit prior boarding and heading home. We didn't get back to Chicago until almost midnight, which was exhausting.
All in all, we hit some speed bumps on vacation, but overall I had a blast and saying it was both fun and relaxing is an understatement. I loved checking out so much of the different areas withing the southern part of California and the weather was perfect. Coming back to Chicago to temperatures that were over 100 degrees with the humidity was pretty shocking, but I'd rather it be hot than cold, so I'll take it. I'm still relaxed from vacation and that's after being back to work for 2 days already. I guess that's a sign that vacation did exactly what it was supposed to do...relax me. =)
Oh...since I can't find the cable for my camera, I couldn't upload any of the pictures. I ordered a new cord and hopefully it will be in soon. Once I get it, I will try to post some pictures...granted I figure out how to that on here. LOL!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Reading...it's an expensive habit.
Ever since I stopped playing WoW (World of Warcraft for my non-gamer readers), I decided to get back into reading. It was something I always loved doing, but stopped doing because I got hooked on gaming. I cancelled my WoW account due to losing interest in the game and also to save money (it was about $16.00/month to play). So, I cancel my account and start reading the books I've had for awhile that I never got around to reading.
Since I used to do A LOT of gaming, I had A LOT of time to read. Needless to say, I got all caught up with reading those books that I had. Now it was time to get some new books, so I did that. I took advantage of the closeout sale that Borders was having when they closed down and I now had a bunch of new books to read. Well, again, I finished them. So, I bought more books (this time not on discount) and again, I'm almost done reading them. Ugh! I'm starting to think that my new addiction to reading books it a more expensive habit than my gaming addiction used to be.
When I was gaming it was about $16.00/month habit, but now with having to keep up with buying new books, I'm spending between $5.00-$8.00 per book and I go through a book about once a week (give or take depending on how long & interesting the book is). I think my book habit is worse than my gaming habit. Too bad I can't force myself to get back into playing WoW, because at least that addiction was cheaper.
Since I used to do A LOT of gaming, I had A LOT of time to read. Needless to say, I got all caught up with reading those books that I had. Now it was time to get some new books, so I did that. I took advantage of the closeout sale that Borders was having when they closed down and I now had a bunch of new books to read. Well, again, I finished them. So, I bought more books (this time not on discount) and again, I'm almost done reading them. Ugh! I'm starting to think that my new addiction to reading books it a more expensive habit than my gaming addiction used to be.
When I was gaming it was about $16.00/month habit, but now with having to keep up with buying new books, I'm spending between $5.00-$8.00 per book and I go through a book about once a week (give or take depending on how long & interesting the book is). I think my book habit is worse than my gaming habit. Too bad I can't force myself to get back into playing WoW, because at least that addiction was cheaper.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Packed for vacation....CHECK!
I'm offically all packed up for vacation. Granted, we don't leave until Tuesday, but I wanted to get it done and over with because, let's face it, packing sucks. It's probably the only thing I don't enjoy about vacations.
It's like you have to decide the clothes you want to bring and make sure they fit the different things you have planned and then some for those spontaneous plans. So, I did that. Then, of course, I had to make sure I had the proper shoes packed. For me it was one pair of gym shoes for those long walking days (zoo, amusement parks, etc.) and flip flops of assorted colors. Yes, gym shoes and flip flops are all I need.
Then it came time to make sure I had all the necessary hygiene products (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, deodorant, toothbrush, etc.), so I packed all those up and made sure I had them put somewhere in my suitcase easily accessable for security to check. Granted, I'm checking in my luggage, it's not a carry-on, but I still wanted to make sure they were accessible due to the whole liquid thing with airlines. Along with those things, I made sure I had my make-up packed for those days when you want that evening look and also my necessary hair care needs (brushes, comb, hairdryer, etc.). I realize that most hotels have hairdryers already in there, but I only dry my hair with that attachment that straightens my hair and I've never seen those in a hotel. So, I pack my own.
I made sure to have my camera battery fully charged and my camera packed and ready for lots of use. I have a book packed for reading on the long flight, and I even laid out my clothes to wear the day of my trip. I wanted to be comfortable, but still cute for whatever plans lay ahead the day we land. The only thing I still have to pack are those little last minute items like my phone charger (which I'll still use prior to Tuesday). Other than that, I'm packed and ready to go.
I can't believe that in 2 days I'll be in California. I'm so psyched and it will definitely beat the rainy weather we're due to have here for the first few days we're gone.
It's like you have to decide the clothes you want to bring and make sure they fit the different things you have planned and then some for those spontaneous plans. So, I did that. Then, of course, I had to make sure I had the proper shoes packed. For me it was one pair of gym shoes for those long walking days (zoo, amusement parks, etc.) and flip flops of assorted colors. Yes, gym shoes and flip flops are all I need.
Then it came time to make sure I had all the necessary hygiene products (shampoo, conditioner, body wash, deodorant, toothbrush, etc.), so I packed all those up and made sure I had them put somewhere in my suitcase easily accessable for security to check. Granted, I'm checking in my luggage, it's not a carry-on, but I still wanted to make sure they were accessible due to the whole liquid thing with airlines. Along with those things, I made sure I had my make-up packed for those days when you want that evening look and also my necessary hair care needs (brushes, comb, hairdryer, etc.). I realize that most hotels have hairdryers already in there, but I only dry my hair with that attachment that straightens my hair and I've never seen those in a hotel. So, I pack my own.
I made sure to have my camera battery fully charged and my camera packed and ready for lots of use. I have a book packed for reading on the long flight, and I even laid out my clothes to wear the day of my trip. I wanted to be comfortable, but still cute for whatever plans lay ahead the day we land. The only thing I still have to pack are those little last minute items like my phone charger (which I'll still use prior to Tuesday). Other than that, I'm packed and ready to go.
I can't believe that in 2 days I'll be in California. I'm so psyched and it will definitely beat the rainy weather we're due to have here for the first few days we're gone.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Too much energy!
Today I feel like I have the energy to do cart wheels and run around like a kid outside. It's entirely energy due to a natural high (I promise, it's a NATURAL high).
Yesterday I got my braces off (FINALLY!!!) and my self esteem instantly went up. It's like not looking in the mirror and seeing this metal mouth instantly made me feel prettier. I went from being disgusted at my smile because I refused to open my mouth to suddenly not being able to stop smiling because I feel like I have a beautiful smile again. Granted I have to go after work today to pick up my retainer, but that's totally doable, especially because I think it's only going to need to be worn at night when I go to sleep (at least that's how they made it sound).
Then today I've gotten compliments left and right about my weight loss. I'm at 48 pounds lost so far as of this morning, which is still 2 pounds away from my pre-vacation goal, but it's still an amazing feel to be so close. I've had people tell me how great I'm looking with my weight loss and it's another boost to that self esteem that already was boosted yesterday after my braces were removed. I love feeling pretty!
Of course, last but far from least, there is the fact that in just 4 1/2 hours I'm officially on vacation and away from work for 11 days. I absolutely can not wait! Everyone knows I hate my job more than any other job I have ever had in my life, so this 11 day vacation away from here has me beyond giddy. I'm like on cloud 9 just thinking about it. This weekend I have all my pampering planned (haircut, eyebrows threaded, manicure, & pedicure) and then on Tuesday I fly out to California for 7 days. Sooooo excited! Weeeeeee!!!!!
I think I'm also so full of energy and happy because I know that after I get back from vacation I can start job hunting. Granted, I could have been job hunting for awhile already, but not many jobs appreciate you accepting a new job and then telling them that you need an 11 day vacation. So, to avoid that being a brick wall to my job hunting progression, I figured I would put it on hold until after I get back from vacation and have the availability to apply for jobs without something scheduled getting in the way.
All around, this is a good day and I see the next 11 days being amazing. I can't wait for 4:30 to get here when my freedom begins. Sooooo giddy!
Yesterday I got my braces off (FINALLY!!!) and my self esteem instantly went up. It's like not looking in the mirror and seeing this metal mouth instantly made me feel prettier. I went from being disgusted at my smile because I refused to open my mouth to suddenly not being able to stop smiling because I feel like I have a beautiful smile again. Granted I have to go after work today to pick up my retainer, but that's totally doable, especially because I think it's only going to need to be worn at night when I go to sleep (at least that's how they made it sound).
Then today I've gotten compliments left and right about my weight loss. I'm at 48 pounds lost so far as of this morning, which is still 2 pounds away from my pre-vacation goal, but it's still an amazing feel to be so close. I've had people tell me how great I'm looking with my weight loss and it's another boost to that self esteem that already was boosted yesterday after my braces were removed. I love feeling pretty!
Of course, last but far from least, there is the fact that in just 4 1/2 hours I'm officially on vacation and away from work for 11 days. I absolutely can not wait! Everyone knows I hate my job more than any other job I have ever had in my life, so this 11 day vacation away from here has me beyond giddy. I'm like on cloud 9 just thinking about it. This weekend I have all my pampering planned (haircut, eyebrows threaded, manicure, & pedicure) and then on Tuesday I fly out to California for 7 days. Sooooo excited! Weeeeeee!!!!!
I think I'm also so full of energy and happy because I know that after I get back from vacation I can start job hunting. Granted, I could have been job hunting for awhile already, but not many jobs appreciate you accepting a new job and then telling them that you need an 11 day vacation. So, to avoid that being a brick wall to my job hunting progression, I figured I would put it on hold until after I get back from vacation and have the availability to apply for jobs without something scheduled getting in the way.
All around, this is a good day and I see the next 11 days being amazing. I can't wait for 4:30 to get here when my freedom begins. Sooooo giddy!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Countdown to freedom!
I only have 2 1/2 more days of work and then I'm free from my personal office hell for 11 days. Woohoo! I work a full day tomorrow and Friday and then only a half day on Thursday since I'm finally getting my braces removed. Yay! I've been waiting for this day for a long time and now that I've gone 2 years with these hellish things on my teeth, I'm looking forward to reintroducing gum into my life. Oh gum, how I've missed you. We will be reunited in just a couple days.
I'm hoping this work week goes by quickly though, not just because of vacation being right around the corner, but also because we already have one person on vacation causing more work to come our way than usual. Not to mention, this week they will be billing at work, which is always stressful on those of us responsible to get everything entered on time so that billing is possible. Then lastly, I have to make sure my work is up to date by the time I leave on Friday at 4:30 to ensure the other girls covering my work load while I'm off aren't doing extra work than necessary. It's going to be a busy 2 1/2 days for me, so I'm hoping that makes the time fly by. I'm sure it will since it seems the busier I am, the quicker time goes by, but I'm definitely not going to complain about that. This is a good thing.
I'm seriously so giddy to know I'm this close to vacation. Let the countdown begin!
I'm hoping this work week goes by quickly though, not just because of vacation being right around the corner, but also because we already have one person on vacation causing more work to come our way than usual. Not to mention, this week they will be billing at work, which is always stressful on those of us responsible to get everything entered on time so that billing is possible. Then lastly, I have to make sure my work is up to date by the time I leave on Friday at 4:30 to ensure the other girls covering my work load while I'm off aren't doing extra work than necessary. It's going to be a busy 2 1/2 days for me, so I'm hoping that makes the time fly by. I'm sure it will since it seems the busier I am, the quicker time goes by, but I'm definitely not going to complain about that. This is a good thing.
I'm seriously so giddy to know I'm this close to vacation. Let the countdown begin!
Monday, July 4, 2011
The ugly before the beauty.
In preparation before vacation, I have a bunch of beauty related things to do. I have to get my eyebrows threaded, I have a hair appointment for a much needed summer cut, and I'll be getting a mani/pedi done to ensure that my feet don't look terrible in flip flops and that my hands are pretty to look at. Looking at that list just exictes me because I know how beautiful I will feel afterwards. The key word there is "afterwords".
Since I don't want to get any of these things done too early due to hair growing out and nail polish chipping, I'm waiting until the last few days before I leave to start my beautifying process. In the mean time though, I feel like a grizzly, freakish toed, slob. I'm literally walking around with the thoughts in my head when people look at me like, "Yeah, I know my eyebrows are looking scraggly, don't judge!" or "Stop looking at my toes, I already know I shouldn't be wearing my flip flops yet!". As for my hair, don't get me started. It's not super long, but I have those natural waves in my hair and unless I take the time to blowdry or flat iron it straight, they give my hair this puffy uneven look. And let's face it, it's too hot to have a hot blowdryer being pointed at my head for almost 30 minutes. My hair is crazy I tell you! So, ponytails have been my best friend until I get my hair cut. I think my fingernails are the only one that don't bother be pre-mani. My nails are a little uneven, but that's nothing a file can't take care of.
It's funny all the things us women will do to prepare ourselves to be beautiful for specific occasions or events. I find it even funnier what we go through to look beautiful. Let's face it, being threaded or waxed isn't exactly a pleasant feeling. It's not terrible pain by any means, but it's not pleasant either.
I know that there are many women who say that they don't care what people think, but I think they do. I'm one of the first people to usually not care what other people think because most of the people you come across you will probably never meet again, but when I'm going somewhere that's familiar, I think I definitely care about what other people think. It's like there's the fear that I have to make a good impression on someone that doesn't need impressing. Maybe that's the typical mindset of many women and that's why we put ourselves through these beauty processes. One is so that we feel pretty, but I honestly believe the other is to impress those around us. No matter how much some of us may not care what other people think, maybe deep down we're all a little vain, huh?
Since I don't want to get any of these things done too early due to hair growing out and nail polish chipping, I'm waiting until the last few days before I leave to start my beautifying process. In the mean time though, I feel like a grizzly, freakish toed, slob. I'm literally walking around with the thoughts in my head when people look at me like, "Yeah, I know my eyebrows are looking scraggly, don't judge!" or "Stop looking at my toes, I already know I shouldn't be wearing my flip flops yet!". As for my hair, don't get me started. It's not super long, but I have those natural waves in my hair and unless I take the time to blowdry or flat iron it straight, they give my hair this puffy uneven look. And let's face it, it's too hot to have a hot blowdryer being pointed at my head for almost 30 minutes. My hair is crazy I tell you! So, ponytails have been my best friend until I get my hair cut. I think my fingernails are the only one that don't bother be pre-mani. My nails are a little uneven, but that's nothing a file can't take care of.
It's funny all the things us women will do to prepare ourselves to be beautiful for specific occasions or events. I find it even funnier what we go through to look beautiful. Let's face it, being threaded or waxed isn't exactly a pleasant feeling. It's not terrible pain by any means, but it's not pleasant either.
I know that there are many women who say that they don't care what people think, but I think they do. I'm one of the first people to usually not care what other people think because most of the people you come across you will probably never meet again, but when I'm going somewhere that's familiar, I think I definitely care about what other people think. It's like there's the fear that I have to make a good impression on someone that doesn't need impressing. Maybe that's the typical mindset of many women and that's why we put ourselves through these beauty processes. One is so that we feel pretty, but I honestly believe the other is to impress those around us. No matter how much some of us may not care what other people think, maybe deep down we're all a little vain, huh?
Saturday, July 2, 2011
New obsession meets old.
For anyone that knows me, they know I'm heavily into having this morbid facination with murders. No, I don't condone what they do, but for many years I've been into the whole criminal justice thing. I mean, I did get my Bachelor's degree in it after all. The whole concept of the system facinates me, but it seems like the crime that keeps me the most facinated is homicide. It's like it's interesting to try to get in the minds of these sick assholes.
I've been reading true crime books about murders and serial killers for years. Hell, I even wrote a long research paper on Ted Bundy when I was in college. Currently my favorite true crime author is Ann Rule. Not only is she an amazing author, but she's exceptionally detailed on every aspect of the cases she writes about. You can almost mentally picture the crime scene, the courtroom, the whole story is just vivid. Not to mention, she mentions things in gruesome detail, which I happen to enjoy. Call me sick if you will, but it's a facination of mine.
Maybe I find the whole concept of murders interesting because my dream job is to be a detective in a homicide unit of a police department. Maybe that's why I have this twisted facination with reading up on real life killers from the past. Maybe that's also why I like gruesome and gorey details in the books I read, because if I ever work my dream job, I need to mentally be prepared for things my eyes could never imagine seeing.
So, now that you all know of my past/current morbid interest, let me introduce you to my new interest/obsession. It's the show "Dexter". I've had numerous people tell me that because of my whole interest and dream job, that I should check this show out. Well, I don't have Showtime (I know, I'm old school), so I never bothered watching it. Then my boyfriend got the seasons of the show for me and within about 3 weeks, I've gotten through the first 4 seasons of the show and I am hooked beyond belief. I only have one more season to go before I'm caught up with those who have been watching it for years.
For anyone not familiar with this show, it's about a guy who is a serial killer that only kills other murders and serial killers. Almost like a hero to the victims of these sick bastards; however, no one can know this is who he is because, well let's face it, murder is illegal regardless of who it is. This show seriously is my new obsession and I think I'm going to be sad when I'm up to date and have to wait months for the new season to start.
My old sick morbid interest has been peeked in a new direction, only this time, for the first time, in the fictional direction. This is a new concept for me; however, it's one that I think I can happily add to my list of twisted interests.
I've been reading true crime books about murders and serial killers for years. Hell, I even wrote a long research paper on Ted Bundy when I was in college. Currently my favorite true crime author is Ann Rule. Not only is she an amazing author, but she's exceptionally detailed on every aspect of the cases she writes about. You can almost mentally picture the crime scene, the courtroom, the whole story is just vivid. Not to mention, she mentions things in gruesome detail, which I happen to enjoy. Call me sick if you will, but it's a facination of mine.
Maybe I find the whole concept of murders interesting because my dream job is to be a detective in a homicide unit of a police department. Maybe that's why I have this twisted facination with reading up on real life killers from the past. Maybe that's also why I like gruesome and gorey details in the books I read, because if I ever work my dream job, I need to mentally be prepared for things my eyes could never imagine seeing.
So, now that you all know of my past/current morbid interest, let me introduce you to my new interest/obsession. It's the show "Dexter". I've had numerous people tell me that because of my whole interest and dream job, that I should check this show out. Well, I don't have Showtime (I know, I'm old school), so I never bothered watching it. Then my boyfriend got the seasons of the show for me and within about 3 weeks, I've gotten through the first 4 seasons of the show and I am hooked beyond belief. I only have one more season to go before I'm caught up with those who have been watching it for years.
For anyone not familiar with this show, it's about a guy who is a serial killer that only kills other murders and serial killers. Almost like a hero to the victims of these sick bastards; however, no one can know this is who he is because, well let's face it, murder is illegal regardless of who it is. This show seriously is my new obsession and I think I'm going to be sad when I'm up to date and have to wait months for the new season to start.
My old sick morbid interest has been peeked in a new direction, only this time, for the first time, in the fictional direction. This is a new concept for me; however, it's one that I think I can happily add to my list of twisted interests.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)